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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

I don't know if you seen my message to you. But I kinda got worried when you had said you dropped off your plan. Hope it's not making you crazy but I know it is. Yesterday, which was Sunday I got out of the house with the kids and cleaned my house, (trying to stay as normal as possible) once I got back. I was exhausted beyond believe but just as I started to get a good position and slightly nod off my legs started with the pains and it was unbelievable. I asked my husband to lay across my legs to put some pressure on them to see if that would help but he wasn't feeling to swift either. We ended up cursing and cratching at each other til we both just seperated and went into our (I hate u mode) around 3 0'clock this morning I went and got him off the couch and apologized for my bitchiness and he did the same. Then the diarreah started. Probably because I didn't have any real solids in my stomach. I gave in a went get my prescription. I'm back on my 8 mg a day and plan to do just the one a day. I feel a thousand times better and I can't say I'm upset with myself because I think with all I have done in the past just to get something to relieve the pain, whether it be buying off the street or going into the emergency room for a sprained back because my addiction had gotten so out of control that the scripts for 30 oxy 80's and 120 loratabs and 30 xanex a month wasnt cutting it. How I ever survived doing so many pills I will never know. All I know is that I want to be here to see my baby's grow up and have their own lifes and this is my only way to stay out of danger of being that addict I knew 4 years ago. My doctor had told me that I will probably be on this suboxone for life and I can't say anything bad about it except I hate the price I have to pay for the prescriptions. But I will deal with it. I still hate the fact that there are so many doctors out there willing to write you a prescription for just about anything and then when you get hooked and can't stop they treat you like a criminal and drop you the first sign of trouble. My blessings came when I had finally hit rock bottom and ended up with nothing. I found this great doctor here and we have actually become great friends. He talks to me and pretty much all his patients as though he has been there before. I don't know how it is in your state but here drug addiction to opiates his overwhelming but the help for addicts is zilch, nada, zero. Either quit cold turkey go on methadone or stay an addict until it kills you. So in conclusion my suffering is over and I will do my best to stick to my lower dosage and try to avoid this episode from happening. The withdrawals symptoms from suboxone are so misleading. Just when you think you are going to pull out of it it seems to get worse. You know, three or 4 days into it after detoxing from oxy's it would start to get better but with suboxone it just pops up like a bomb. I will still be looking out for you and hopefully I can lend a little support to other addicts out there just like myself and let them know that we are amongst friends here and there is nothing like a friend who has been through the same hell as you and can truely understand how hard it is to struggle with addiction. In these last few days you guys really made me strong and I love you guys for that. Please stay strong and do what you can to stay here on this earth. It sounds like you have such a beautiful wife inside and out who will be there for you and get you through this. Try to stay on the grid so I can make sure you are ok. Don't worry if sometimes you get weak and give in just remember it's the getting back in the game that matters and you will be fine. Good luck and I will be here everyday. Later

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