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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Addiction & Recovery Board Index


Hi medguy. Sorry to hear about your relapse. My counselor put relapse into an interesting perspecitive. He says, "relapse is a symptom of the disease of addiction. It is not a part of recovery, as so many believe. Once we have that clear in our mind, we are ready to move out of the disease and into recovery." That helped me to understand my addiction and relapses quite a bit better.

You were going to NA. Did you let your attendance slip away? Did you stay in contact with your sponsor? When we noticed that it's been a week since we saw david at a meeting, we thought that he most likely relapsed. He is our GSR. I haven't had a chance to talk to the man yet. I might not ask him, out of respect. If he quits being our GSR, then the probability is high that he used. Every person I have known in service give up their service positions for NA if they relapse.

Well, you have kicked this disease in the you know what a few times, so you know how to get clean. Now staying clean, that is a different story. Step work will keep you clean if you work it.. Were you working the steps with your sponsor? Can you pinpoint where in the stepwork the disease was strong and you were weak? That seems like the place the disease will get to us every single time, doesn't it.

My last relapse landed me in Jail with three convictions, one felony for posession and 2 midemeanors, of the misdimeanors, one for concealed weapon and one for DUI. The wife bailed me out. She sat me down in the waiting room and set up her boundaries. The really big one was that if she ever caught me using a substance that was not prescribed for me within the last 90 days, she would pack up and leave. I wouldn't blame her if she made ME pack up and go. Anyhow, that last relapse may very well be my bottom. When I got the police report, it was embarrassing to read all of the wierd crap that I did. My car was crashed, I dropped about $35000 in 8 months on oxy, heroin, zanax, valium, methamphetamine... The jail time was pretty bad, and I don't ever have to ge back as long as I don't pick up and drive.

When I got out of jail, I immediately started an outpatient program at ontrack in Medford, OR. I took two cousellors to figure out what's wrong with me. Howerver, my story is not a lot different than any others. The biggest difference was physical abuse. Our family was not that dysfunctional. Others are also fighting battles with AIDS, blood diseases, liver failure, kidney failure....brave bunch they are.

So, lets work on getting clean together. I have 62 days today. The only difference this time around is I'm working the program. I should have that first step painted, polished, sanded (first), rewritten, and burned into my heart this time around.

I'm also on suboxone. My counsellor, my docotor, my mother, my sister, and my wife wanted me on the stuff. They were sick and tired of being sick and tired of the sick and tiring relapses. I thought a lynch mob was going to take me to the doctor. I'm glad that I did it. I had been clean for three weeks, but the doctor still wanted me on the med, especially after falling into relapse soo many time. He said I need to have all of my support systems in place before he can take me off of the drug. I'm not taking suboxone because it gets me high--it doesn't. I take it because I cannot fail this time. Relapse no. 15465123023165 was the last one, ha-ha.

Well, I have to scoot. I have an NA meeting tonight. It's called "Circle of Trust." Isn't that cool. I am the treasurer, and it's easy.


Good luck friend and stay strong. God bless. Puy some extro work into that higher power. A lot of recovering addicts stumble over that one.

mk





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