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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Quick bakground...

My name is Angie. I am married and have 5 kids.
In Oct of 07, I developed pancreatitis and spent almost 3 months in the hospital. I eventualy had my pancreas removed. I have been home a year now. I was on tons of heavy duty iv pain meds in the hospital, and once i came home I was on Norco. I continued taking it for the past year , convinced it was for pain, but it was really pain I could handle without it. The last month things really went downhill and I was up to taking 7/day. I finally admitted I had a problem and went to my dr and also told hubby I needed his help to quit. I kept telling myself.. tomorrow, I'll taper tomorrow. I finaly gave up and told hubby he needed to hold my pills sine I ant control myself.
Last Friday I had 5 pills, Sat and Sun 3 1/2 pills, and only 2 1/2 today. I feel really good. So I am kinda waiting for it to catch up to me. I have lots of supplements that Ive read about here. Right now I am only taking extra vit c,multi vit, and potassium and magnesium. I ordered all the other things in the thomas receipe online so they should be here tomorrow.
Last year I tapered down to just 1 1/2 pills per day and then I couldnt handle the depression/anxiety/freak out and gave up, thinking theres nothing wrong with taking just a couple pills a day. But of course it quickly went up from there.
So I am scared of getting down to just 1 and letting it go. I think part of the reason is its the last thing from my hospitalization that hasnt gotten better, and I am a bit traumatized from that whole experience. Its hard to explain.... Maybe I am looking at this as a closure?

So thats my ramblings...

My biggest fear is of the pain of withdrawals. I cant handle the restless legs/body and the god awful deep depression and uncontrollable crying. I am scared I'll cave and end up back at the pain dr getting more pills. and I am scared of living without my good friend.,the pills. I dont even know what normal is anymore.

Thanks for reading!

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