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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Addiction & Recovery Board Index


Wow...it has been MANY years since I have posted on here...I thought I was cured and would never use coke or speed again...it had been almost 4 years that I did not do speed and almost 3 years that I did not do coke...what happened?? Well it all went downhill once my fiance decided to leave me out of the blue...we had been together 3 and a half years and when I met him is when I began to clean up my act...he left in August and I began drinking heavily and using speed and coke (alcohol is my trigger...I would not use if I did not drink)...so August and September I began missing a lot of work and using drugs and then I stopped again October through mid January...then I began going out drinking again almost every night and once I am drinking, I am looking for the next high...so today is terrible...I went out drinking last night and decided I wanted meth, but then I told the guy I changed my mind and I didn't want it but he kept pressuring me and I finally gave in...I felt soooo good for a while...until it became morning and I realized I had to go to work...I laid in my bed for 3 hours trying to sleep with NO LUCK...got up and drank a 5th of vodka on my way to work so I could try to function...on top of that, I have a VERY important meeting at 330 pm today...this is just a terrible day...I know that I MUST stop drinking if I really do not want to use drugs, but I keep trying to find a way around it...like maybe only if I drink at home or only on the weekends etc...that never works...someone please tell me you have been where I am...any input is greatly appreciated...today SUX...I feel like I am going to go crazy and like die or something!!! Thank you in advance for your support

Jess





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