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Hi 5, just went through the whole thing with suboxone 2 months ago. I took my last addicted dose Friday, January 22, 2009. Why this day? My prescript was to be picked up that day and the whole cycle would begin again. I was done! I realized that I could not live the life I wanted always being focussed on my next pill. Anyway, doesn't matter. We can save those stories for the campfire.
I'm sure right now you would just appreciate some real info. I'll share what I know from my experience with this stuff and how I came off of it. Maybe it will help you.
I remember the first three days being ok. I was missing the level of high that I was use to. As I later learned, the level of drug in my body was still pretty high even after 3 days.
At the time of my last dose I was still taking 4mgs around noon everyday. That's about the time of day I would begin to feel my system wanting a bit and in need of it's fix. Day 3 was also the day I could first tell that "oh sheet", this is going to be a long hard ride.
The question of tapering really came into play here.
I think day 4 I was totally consumed with the thought that I should taper instead of cold turkey. Was I crazy? Was I a total lunatic? Why should I stop c/t and suffer? Is it really necessary to suffer? I can do this different I felt.
THANK GOD FOR MY WIFE! and her ability to keep me focussed. Her ability to not whimp out. Her shere determination to get her husband back or let him die ( just joking ). But really, she continued to remind me that after 4 days, now going on 5, there was no turning back! Things continued to progress and of course the suffing continued to get worst.
Here is some of what I began to experience early on.
- no appitite, none.
- no sleep for any length of time, at this stage an hour or two at most.
- my whole body began to ache, I mean really ache all over.
- my hair, skin, eyes began to have this really weird burning, especially against the sheets or blankets.
- I began to get diarrhea and bad stomach cramps.
- my whole attitude was progressively becoming more emotional, angry then sad, like a rollercoaster, humorous then very serious. I was not in control!
- figiddy, I don't know, is that a word? up, down, in, out, I could not sit still.
- energy? what energy? besides not being able to sleep this was the worst of all! No, absolutely, no energy. If I had to defend myself in any way at this time I could not, period.
What a dilema. Can't be still, have no energy to do anything but exist, tired as hell, can't sleep, no appitite, need to eat, loosing weight. Feel like anything would be better than this hell I'm in!
From day 6 to about day 15, all of these symptoms continue to get worst, then better, then worst. Each day that goes by though, I become a little stronger mentally and more determined.
Emotionally, I'm not in control, a total wreck but, I know this so, I just let it be. This part is a little funny to me now looking back. I felt and acted like Robert DeNiro in the movie Analize That.
I'm sure I have left some of the hell out from my description above. What I wish to say now is that I made it through and you can too. It is what it is. It's kind of like jumping into a very cold pool of water. You grab your nose and jump in, knowing that it will hurt and you are going to get wet and cold. But, the sooner you get in and get out, the sooner you will begin to dry off and warm up!
Some things I did and some suggestions that I believe may help.
I asked for help from someone I could trust. For me I was lucky to have my wife. Others will work, a good friend, brother, sister.......
Put this person in charge and do not do anything without their knowledge and approval.
You can not trust yourself !!! You are not in control no matter what you think.
This is where people in rehab fail. They begin to think they are in control before they are through. AND you are never through! It is a work in progress and you will begin to take back control of your life's choices, little by little but, you are not and never have been in control.
You will come to realize that you only have choices, focus on your choices and don't waste your time on control issues.
You and your "partner in crime" come up with a plan and stick to it. Write it all down and use a calendar to keep track of the days.
I wrote everything in my journal. Some days pages of writing, some days just a few words.
(enrty from day 13, " today sucks ! ") This helped get things off my chest, so to speak.
It takes discipline, a good starting point and takes little energy. Very theraputic.
I made myself eat. oatmeal, cereals, fruits, vegetables, fish, nuts, chicken, lots of protien and protein supplements.
Vitamins, natual supplements, Imodium, Ibuprophen, meletonin, valerian root.
There is much more you can take. You can spend hundreds of dollars and at this point you will because if there is anything you could buy to make you feel better, well, you get my drift. I took what I had. I'm not from Beverly Hills.
I tried to exersice, no real luck, just did not feel up to it. It took everything I had just to maintaine my existance.
Hot baths good for the legs. I wanted to cut my legs off and be done with them!
Hot baths good for sleep. I slept in the tub, sitting up many nights.
Valerian root helped with the jitters.
Meletonin helped with sleep, I think?
Food and eating definitely helped with overall recovery.
Fresh air and sun made me feel better I think. I sat like a toad outside in the sun when I could.
To sum up.
It was a personal walk through hell.
Suboxone withdrawls, physically more difficult than any other withdrawls I have been through before on other opiates. Mentally, easier. I don't know if it was easier because I was ready or the drug itself made it easier, because of it's design.
Maybe both?
In all I think for me it took about 20 days before I felt like I was rebounding and on my way up. The emotional rollercoaster continued pretty good for another 20 days, then began to level off.
I feel pretty strong now both physically and mentally. I put back the 20 pounds I had lost and I now feel like excersizing and have a routine. I strongly recommend mental excersizes too. Meds dull our brains! Emotionally and spiritually, I feel like I am just beginning.
I think I finally understand what a long road this is. Even though addicts may consider their addictions an accident or whatever, it is no accident or whatever.
Your planets have to align AND for some reason our planets aligned. That is why we are here. We contributed to this alignment by the choices we have made and even though we do not control the universe we have influence.
I am glad you have made the choice you have, to get off dependency. Life on drugs is tough to say the least. Much tougher than withdrawls. I hope I could help in any small way. I try to find value in the suffering of my experiences during withdrawls by sharing them with others who are going through addiction and/or withdrawls.
Life is for the giving. Good luck and blessings.

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