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[QUOTE=GonnaRecover;4029024]Day # 12...and the only way I know that, is from posting here. In so many ways, it feels like it's the 50th day but in many many feels like day #1. I guess the latter feeling comes from me not yet thinking, I am not on pain meds. [B]When or will I ever think I am not addicted?[/B] I am wondering... :confused:

I feel good and strong. I have pain and feel lethargic at times but I am dealing. Trying to focus on step by step, minute by minute, and hour by hour...knowing each moment is a victory. :angel:

So...I don't know if my pain and energyless feeling is from overworking myself this week (I worked out 16 hours since Monday, generally only work out 7 or 8 hours a week) or if it from withdrawals still. Can someone tell me? I remember feeling good last Sunday night and now I can't seem to get that feeling back. I am unfortunately spending alot of thoughts on when I will feel that way again. I have slight moments of happiness but everything is generally just feeling ok or BLAH!! I can't seem to find motivation to do much other than what I HAVE to do (granted, it is alot) but I wanna do more!!!!! :mad:

I guess I am getting frustrated with myself. I am an impatient person. I wanna feel more, do more, create more, laugh more.

I know I am walking forward and choosing a better life for myself. I am just tired of the fog. And I know there's no magic number of days when I will feel all better but really...[B]how much longer will I feel numb? When does an addiction of 2 + years chemically get out of your system and withdrawals are over? And is my brain and its chemistry having to reconstruct without it? Where am I right now in this process? [/B] :dizzy:

It is a cliche, but never the less true - You didn't become an addict in two weeks, it will take a bit of time to adjust to life without drugs. I hate to break it to you, but you will always be an addict, unfortunately that is part of who we are and that is tough to deal with on a personal level - I'm embarrassed that I'm an addict - I haven't abused hydrocodone in a few years, but I still long to feel how I felt when I was on a good hydro high, you feel energetic, but mellow - confident, but not cocky - if we could only package that in a non addictive formula.

Luckily, you are getting past the stages where the physical affects of withdrawal are starting to dissipate, now you've got to deal with the psychological effects and those are a real bear. When we are in pain from withdrawals, it's easy to say that is natural, just grin and bear it and things will get better. The psychological effects are much more pervasive, it starts to enter your every thought, some of the pain that put you down the path of legitimate use may return, your body will feel drained - remember, pain is tiring and I'm sure that your sleeping is pretty poor right now - you may think you're doing okay, but you're not - try some Tylenol or Excedrin PM - it helps. If I remember, you're a mom as well - don't forget that being a mom is hard work, you should feel tired and there are days where you won't have energy - remember my reference to normality? Feeling tired is normal, the drugs we abused for years (at least for me) have a tendency to making you feel energetic all of the time - guess what, that's not normal!

It will take a while for your body chemistry to adjust, don't expect miracles and enjoy every day of sobriety - it's hard work and something in which you should take pride. What you are trying to achieve is hard - a very small percentage of people are successful in just getting to where you are right now and I can tell you from experience, at the end of the day, looking back on things - you will be proud of yourself - for what it's worth, I've been where you're at - wondering if I could just take one, knowing full well that one will turn into twenty - yeah I use to take up to twenty Norco's at a time - and even today, there are times where I think about how good it would feel just to pop a couple - I don't think that will ever go away, but talking about it with others who have been there makes you realize just how important our journey is and that journey will never end.

Good Luck and I'll keep checking back to see how your doing. Stay Strong.

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