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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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I slipped bad!
Nov 10, 2009
There I was, sitting there minding my own business and I suddenly heard them, "Hey! There's a nearly full bottle of Oxycodone here. Why don't you take one? It won't hurt you." It was the little Oxy demons were talking to me. Totally under their spell, I complied and opened the bottle and took a pill. Then another pill and another. The next day I took 4 pills and the following day I took at least 6 (60 mg) in the matter of a couple of hours. I passed out on the bed in a daze and woke up sometime in the middle of the night and sat up and asked myself, "What the @#$* am I doing?" and passed out again until morning.

The next day I was embarrassed and back in control of my mind and kicked the little Oxy demons out of my head. They had grown much larger, but I was still able to expel them. I waited for the withdrawals to hit and they did. This time it was my back and neck that ached the worse, followed by a severe headache and other flu-like symptoms. I endured them as a reminder and payment for what I had done to myself. I allowed them to persist for two days before permitting myself the luxury of a small taste (5 mg) to stop the withdrawals, plus tackle the mounting pain in my shoulders and arm from my neck injury.

The only torn feeling I have is I still have to take the Oxy for pain. My neck injury continues to get worse with time, which causes pain in both of my shoulders to the point that I cannot raise my arms, plus other pain and numbness down my arm. The muscle relaxer and nerve meds don't seem to bring me to a point where I can fully function - they help though. Oxy is the only relief I have found that can eliminate all of the pain.

I am embarrassed for what happened, but I'm not down on myself or going through any mental strife. It happened, I caught it and I stopped it from going any further and I punished myself with withdrawals as payment.

The demons do sit and wait for the right time to jump back into your mind and try to take control. We all have to be alert to their presence and stop them before they try to take over. I'll be on the alert for them next time. This was a test for me, I failed, but I know what happened to stop it next time.

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