It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Dec 12, 2009
I am new to this forum. I know I have had an addiction problem most of my life. It started at age 13. I have been addicted to one thing or another since then. It started with alcohol and now for 10 years or so I have been using opiods. Always with a doc. prescription. When I run out there is always a friend or two that can help me out until my re fills. I am currentley taking norco 10/325 about 20 or more a day when I run out of my 200 per month fill of 15 mg oxycodone. I also get 180 methadone per month. I have been seeing a pain doc. since I broke my tailbone and lower back in 2003. Before that I was on darvocet for severe headaches for a few years. He keeps upping my meds and dosages due to tolerance. I do have significant chronic pain but I know I am using for other reasons. The wrong reasons. With all that he prescribes me I still can run out before my monthly visit with him. I am highly functional, hold down a good job, handle 4 children, and keep a nice house. I have dropped all of my hobbies though, for drug use. I have stopped drinking regularly now for about 8 years and can take alcohol or leave it, as I much prefer the opiods. I am at a point where I am worried about what I am putting my body through. I have been through withdrawl many times, and I am sure my liver is pretty much shot. I also have a constant aching in my lower back and I am sure it ismore than my ususal back pain. I fear it is my kidneys. I feel as if I am fading away and am so afraid of life without my crutch I am not sure If I can stop or how I can find the strength and motivation to quit. The one thing that keeps me going are my kids. They are soooo beautiful and I love them so much I cry when I think of leaving them with no mother. I fear this is what will happen soon if I don't get myself under control. I have thought of talking with my doc but am afraid he will take my drugs away. I know he will help me quit, he is a good doc. I just have not known who the real me is for so long I am afraid I will never be happy again. I am very hard working and dedicated to my family. I just cannot stand the feeling of being sober. I have been on every antidepressant known to man with no result. The only way I feel happy is on these pills. I have heard you can destroy your chemical balance permanently with long term use and can become clinicaly depressed forever. I am not sure what I am looking for by posting here. I guess I hope that something someone has to say will get through to me. I just don't like myself much these days. I have hidden this from my children, but have a boyfriend who somewhat knows. He has no idea how much I take or how bad this is.
I have been reading alot of posts and want to say I admire and respect those of you who are battling with this.
God bless you all

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:54 AM.

2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!