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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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I wish you all a Merry Xmas.

Now for my dilemma,
I was able to check in today to a posh rehab center for my on and off again opiate habit which is 40-80mgs of oxy or hydrocodone per day. Insurance was going to pay for it as long as they were permitted to detox me from benzos, which was not my problem. I had told them I was on .125 mgs of clonazepam for anxiety the past few months and they gave this info to insurance and this is what the insurance company stipulated. This was fine to me since it would get me in.

Well I arrived at 11 and was processed. I went to my building at 2p. It is a very nice place. However, an hour into it I started to panic about being there. The clientele was very nice and friendly to me, but it consisted of mostly adolescent women. There is only one other guy there so I felt sort of lost at that.

Another issue was that due to the Holiday, the regular doctors and psychs would not be seeing me until Monday, which was going to be the date of my discharge, so I felt that I would not receive the optimal care that I went there for in the first place.

They gave me a choice of how I wanted to be detoxed in regards to suboxone or methadone. I IMMEDIDATELY nixed methadone as I thought that would be trying to shoot a fly instead of swatting it. I was reluctant to suboxone but they would taper me off during the detox, but inside, I felt that would be replacing one addiction with another, and when I left, I would have withdrawals from that.

So I decided that I wanted to sign myself out in my panic. I used the excuse that the timing was wrong and I should have waited until after xmas when I could optimize the use of all the medical professionals. They were not mad at my choice but they obviously thought that it was not in my best interest.

So, I am home now and will have no more pills after tommorow morning and I feel now that I may have been to hasty. I honestly did not leave because I wanted to go home and get a fix, I left for the aforementioned reasons and the panic of not ever being in that dormish situation since HS. The nurse said I could come back when I felt the timing was right.

Do you think I should suck up my pride and on Saturday, see if they will take me back in and make the program work? Or am I better off withdrawling at home ( Which I have done quite a few times). In general it is the first 3 days that are the worse for me and after that I feel so much better. The reason I decided on rehab was because lately, I have been having a harder time stopping and I dwell on all the awful feelings that run through my head moreso than I have done in the past.

I think I am mainly venting and not sure if I did a dumb thing but thanks for listening everybody.

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