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I'm really scared at the moment as I'm aware that I'm using alcohol addictively. This is not the 1st time, I spent 6 years clean and going to AA before relapsing. But for 2 years I had little interest in Alcohol, although I must admit I always had something to smoke etc. In fact I went through a 3 month period last year from September to December when I abused legal highs (but only legal, not soft core!) It cumulated in intense paranoia and I tried to commit suicide. This is what scares me very much. Anyhow I'm not feeling suicidal at all right now and but I'm really scared I could become so unless I do something about my drinking.

The problem is that although I can see my drinking is Alcoholic in nature, I'm managing to control it and avoid hangovers and I'm still functioning. But I know absolutely that these things always get worse; I know my drinking will escalate, but I can't find the strength to stop right now. I hate this fate. My life evolves around drinking. I start at 5pm with a 1/4 liter of Vodka drunk fast to kick in a buzz, I have this vodka hidden in a cupboard (major alcoholic action) and so when I follow it up with 1 1/2 to 2 bottles of wines in the evening, it doesn't seem to my partner that I drink so much. In fact that amount isn't so much compared to others; but I know that's not the point, the point is that I crave it all day and my life evolves around making it to 5pm and controlling the intake sucks, it's like a living hell. I hate this and yet I haven't yet the strength to stop. What can I do, please give me some advise? I can see what's happening and I'm scared because it WILL escalate if I don't stop now, so please give me some advise.

I'm seeing a counselor from my doctors surgery soon and I intend to be honest and I've told my partner my drinking is Alcoholic (but didn't tell about the Vodka,) and so I'm trying to grasp the strength, but right now I feel so powerless. I need advice, help.

Thankyou in advance.
Hello Blasterboy

Well, my friend, this is not the first time around the block for you with this issue. I am going to talk straight to you because you already know the drill.

[COLOR="Blue"][U]I'm managing to control it [/U]and avoid hangovers and I'm still functioning. But I know absolutely that these things always get worse; I know my drinking will escalate, but I can't find the strength to stop right now. I hate this fate. [U]My life evolves around drinking[/U]. [U]I start at 5pm with a 1/4 liter of Vodka[/U] drunk fast to kick in a buzz, I have this vodka hidden in a cupboard (major alcoholic action) and so when [U]I follow it up with 1 1/2 to 2 bottles of wines in the evening[/U], it doesn't seem to my partner that I drink so much.[/COLOR]

Blasterboy, just what is being managed here? Certainly not your drinking! I think the only thing being managed is the thinking about managing. Look at your own words, friend. Read them carefully and re-evaluate the situation.

What it all boils down to is a matter of living or dying. Sadly, the spirit will die before the physical dying takes place. There will be a dark hole of merely existing and if we reach that place, and, by then, most hope is gone.

The best advice I can give to you, Blasterboy, is that the reality is that unless we care enough about ourselves, no words are going to cure the problem. A million people can love you and wish you well, but unless [B]you[/B] get the ball rolling, it will be a million people watching you self-destruct.

I hope all the best for you... I hope that you care enough about your life that you get moving. An AA meeting is around every corner and nothing is stopping you from attending except the choice not to. Face the fear and do it anyway... a great motto.

Hoping, with a million others
reach





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