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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

I feel your pain. I was a total non-drug/non-alcohol person til I was 33. A Dr. put me on opiates for chronic pain from a wreck. She failed to mention that after 2 years, I'd be an addict. I bumped it up, all the way up to 20 10mg Norcos at a time. The w/drawls were so bad i literally hung myself just to escape what I thought was a hopeless case. Then here on Healthboards in 2004 I read about Suboxone. So I went to a 30 day rehab, got on it, and 5 mos. ago I "graduated" to Subutex, 2mg twice a day. I just have to wonder where all this pressure to hurry up and "quit" all meds is coming from? Don't feel any guilt for being human. Your brain spent quite a bit of time being artificially stimulated, and it takes TIME for it to rebound. The stigma that society or you put on yourself is counter-productive. So be it if you need to be on maintenance until you've sufficiently healed. Suboxone doesn't get you "high", therefore there is no reward's a stabilizing medicine if and until you can rebound to a place where you can truly trust yourself again and then wean off. It's no different from an antidepressant. Haven't we spent enough time beating ourselves up for being such "failures"? It takes one opiate addict to truly understand the others, and I understand. It's called being human and having feelings. If you set up unrealistic goals you may be unknowingly setting yourself up for a relapse. Sweetie no one can tell you what's right for you but you. Some people lose weight easier than others...different metabolisms. It's the same w/addiction. Meth addicts in prison don't "use", but neither have they learned alternate coping mechanisms and skills. Strict total abstinence is not a cure-all. Use any and all tools until you are physically, mentally, spiritually, and personally healed and then cross whatever bridge you come across. But for sure the LAST thing you need is extreme pressure/guilt trips to force you to stop the one medicine that will allow you to heal at your own pace. It is never wrong to forgive yourself and be kind to yourself. You're not a bad person for staying on Suboxone however long you need're doing it the thoughtful and right way, not the "get clean instantly" way. I pray you will do well and see the truth in this.

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