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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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Sorry for the vulgar title but it's true I am pissed off. I am in a royally bad mood. :mad: I have managed to get addicted to something else, this time it's Ambien (sleep medicine).

Just a brief background I was addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, Adderall and pain pills and managed to quit all of those. I have been on Suboxone for a few months and it has been a life saver, i quit taking all other pain meds and have no desire or need to take any. I don't miss any of those pills or alcohol, i have been very proud of myself. But all the while I was taking Ambien at night to help me sleep. Sleep (or lack of sleep) was my issue 12 years ago when I FIRST went to the doctor who eventually would diagnose me as OCD/ADHD and prescribe to me those very same adderall pills that I would become addicted to later. I have always been an insomniac, I just can't turn my mind off at night. I am so jealous of other people who can just lay down when they want and go to sleep. It seems so simple, doesn't it? Just fall asleep! I can't do it. I lay there all night, watching the hours tick by, thinking "Ok if I fall asleep now I can still get 4 hours of sleep."

Well over the last few months as I have been CLEAN of alcohol, tobacco, pain pills and adderall, I have been slowly increasing my Ambien dose. Now i probably take 3-4 pills a night to sleep. I am prescribed 1.5 pills a night, so obviously there is a problem. Keep in mind I haven't used that much all along, for years I took the prescribed dose and no problem. But then 1 became 1.5, 1.5 became 2, 2 became 3. So I don't normally run out of pills. But now I do.

Which brings me back to why I am pissed at myself and at the lady who works at my doctor's office. I am out of Ambien pills and the thought of that just scares the crap out of me. I want... I need to sleep. Nothing else works for me, but I know I take too much. I cannot get a refill until next Friday at the earliest. I am mad at the lady because she would not give me an early refill. I am not really mad at her, it isn't her fault and i know it, but of course I am venting and projecting my anger. I wasn't mean to her or anything, and i just said "Ok I will wait until next week sorry to bother you" but hung up the phone. I just am mad at the whole situation. I am mad that I have become addicted to my Ambien. Or i wonder if maybe the term is that my body has adjusted to the dosage and i need to ask the doctor for more, although I doubt he will prescribe that much.

I remember all too well those insomnia nights laying awake all night and then the next day feeling like DEATH. Not sleeping is a horrible thing, especially after days and days of not sleeping right. It is going to be a long awful week. I guess I am not asking for any advice, I just wanted to vent.

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