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Thank you for taking to the time to read this long post, but I feel as though the entire story may be needed in order to answer the basic question I have...

I started using drugs and alcohol at 15 years old. First drinking, then smoking pot, then popping pills, then at 17, I snorted my first line of Heroin. A month before my 18th birthday my parents sent me to a rehab and I got clean from everything. The day I got out, I smoked some weed. That's all I did for about 6 months before I started snorting coke and smoking crack. I did this regularly until I turned 19. A week after I turned 19, I had a rough night and nearly overdosed. This totally freaked me out and I quit cold turkey. I was clean from all drugs, but not alcohol, for another 6 months.

So, at 19 and a half years old I started smoking a little weed and eating pills again. My boyfriend at the time caught me eating pills and threatened to leave so I quit the pills and just kept drinking and smoking. By 21 all I was doing was drinking. From 22 - 24 all I did was drink, practically everyday and maybe smoke once every 3 months.

At 24 I started eating Xanax and Klonopins. Did this for maybe 3 months. Then I started drinking Methadone as a means of getting high. The person I was buying it from stopped getting it and told me to get the same high I should switch to Heroin. I hadn't touched Heroin since I was 17 and at that time I was snorting raw heroin. She told me to try this other stuff called "Scramble." Like a dummy, I did. From what I understand, scramble is most popular in Baltimore so some people may not be familiar with it. Basically it is raw heroin mixed with anything white (could be coke, powdered sugar,) usually in Baltimore it is raw heroin mixed with morphine and quanine. I've been snorting it now for a year. I got quite a wake up call back in May when I tried to quit for the first time. Even though I had been using drugs since I was 15 years old, I had never ONCE experienced withdrawals. Shortly after starting to snort scramble I quit drinking for good (more money for scramble)...

So, in May 2010, after I realized I was addicted to Heroin and if I didn't have it I was dope sick. I bought some suboxone and did a self step down. Took me 7 days and then I was good. I could wake up, go to work without needing a thing. 3 days being completely clean (no drugs, alcohol or suboxone) I used heroin. Next day, I felt fine. I wasn't sick, I wasn't craving. I got high again. Next day, I felt a little rough but not unbearable. I got high for the 3rd day in a row. Next day, sick as a dog. Bought some more suboxone. Since May, this is how its gone. Get high real bad for a few weeks. Wake up and say, "That's it. No more." Go buy some suboxone and work my way clean again. October was my best month. Got clean and stayed clean for 25 days. On day 26, I figured I was clean, I could get high one time and feel fine. I got high, and the very next day I was so dope sick I regretted everything. But I couldn't find any suboxone so I've been using heroin to get up and go to work to make money to buy more heroin to wake up and go to work... The most vicious cycle.

So my basic question is... I've heard that with Heroin the relapse and withdrawals get worse with each time you quit and restart and quit and restart. Is this true?

P.S. - Besides the time my parents put me in a rehab at 17, I've never seeked professional help. I've always told myself it was under control because I graduated top of my class in High School, went to college on a full scholarship, Graduated from college with my Bachelors of Science, have a great job, bought my first house at 21 years old... So in my mind drugs weren't holding me back at all... But now I see that I dependent on them(and always have been) and maybe I do need professional help...





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