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Well its no secret that I am having a difficult time psychologiacally with my latest withdrawal. My mindset in past years is awful and I know its attributing to my failures. Well I woke up this morning ( well that is an oxymoron since I never slept even with 4mgs of ativan) I called my doctor and he saw me.

I came a bit more clean with him about how I am feeling. I told him I tried again by throwing out the pills and I am sick as a dog with searing pain in my lower back. The back issues is true, I have herniated L4 area and my grand unintended triple axel on the icy driveway yesterday did not help. I told that I am feeling awful, but not craving mentally, which is kind a true because I hate taking the oxycodone almost as much as not taking it and have longed to be off these pills for so long, He is a very compassionate guy. He used to be my next door neighbor for 15 years growing up as a kid.

He gave me 90 10 mgs percocets and he wants me to religiously taper. I made it quite clear that I did not want to remain on the pills and I do not abuse them ( which is true in the sense that I do not take more than 50-80 mgs a day). He also knows that I am not poly addicted to other subtsances. I do not even drank... and I mean AT ALL. He said he will reassess when the taper is done but wants me to be fantical about it and take care of my mental issues.. He gave me the name of a top pyscholgist. I told him that was good because I did not ever want to be put on antideprssants and ever have to withdrawal from them

I have tapered before believe it or not. I tapered religiously from norco 80 mgs to 10 mgs over 4 months. I NEVER wavered not even once. I was down to one pill for weeks before bed time and you know I never had isssues at all during the taper, albeit I did it wayyyyyyyy slow. When I eventually stopped, I had minor discmfort for a few days and managed to stay 7 months drug free.

So in essence, even though I held back some info, I was pretty foward about my goals about being drug free, I have to make an appt with the orthaopedic group to start work on my back. This has been going on for 15 years which eventually started me on this cylce.

I am going to work this taper as best I can, but I think the most imprortant thing is I need to prepare myself physically and mentally for when the time comes. As I have gotten older I have neglected good eating and exercise. I CAN NOT go through this the same ol way again..My eyes were really opened and I am ready to do the work I need to do.

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