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Okay, I want to quit NOW but don't know where to start. I've been coming onto this message board (and others) for a long time but never signed up or commented, just read what everyone said. Again, I am 100% ready to stop but don't know where to start.

I started out with 5mg Perocets for pain from an injury in the Army. Of course I also enjoyed the 'side effects' from these pills.

Well, fast forward two years later (and over a year ago) and I was at 15mg percocets 4 times a day and went to a doctor that specialized in Suboxone. I wasn't snorting, shooting up, or buying off the street, but I knew I couldn't just stop. The doctor also did 'pain management' and after a few days on suboxone actually talked me out of using it and to go back on pain meds because I had 'legit' pain.

Now over a year later I am up to 60 mpg percocet at a time, 4-5 times a day. AND I WANT TO STOP.

I am running out of ways to justify pulling money out of the account, but it is still cheaper to buy percocets from someone than getting Suboxone treatment it seems. I also am having trouble finding a Suboxone doctor that takes BCBS in Broward County, Florida.

I am willing to buy and taper, but we all know how that goes. But I really feel I have the discipline to do anything if I am just TOLD what to do. Direction is what I need perhaps.

Side notes:

* My family has no clue and it is imperative I do not let them know at all.

* I have never snorted, sniffed, crushed, or shot up any pills.

Hello Lost

Good to meet you and good to see that you are reaching out for help. There is absolutely so much hope for you. Know that and don't ever forget it.

Like you, my own drug abuse began with surgeries and Percocet to help with the pain. When I hit 60mg a day of Percocet ( like you!) and tolerance hit so it wasn't doing the Percocet wasn't doing the job anymore, my doctor took me off them and switched me to Oxycodone. The Percocet has Tylenol in it and consistent Tylenol ingestion can lead to kidney problems (or liver, can not remember which). I was also on Xanax .5mg tabs for off-label use to help with some nreve damage.

I understood very little about these drugs at the time. I was up to 12 Oxycodone a day in no time. I then found myself going over the perscribed limit on the Xanax. Two things began to occur.... First, I did not understand that when using opiates for pain relief that the brain will just keepcalling for more and more. The signal is perceived pain, often not from the original condition, but from the brain wanting and needing more and more to feel sated. Second, I began to use both drugs not just for pain relief, but for emotional relief. I didn't truly realize that I was doing that until a breaking point came.

That breaking point came when I had a full breakdown physically, emotionally and spiritually. I stopped living and merely existed for many, many months. When I could not even do that anymore, the turning point came.

My husband took me in to my family doctor and I was a sobbing mess. Doctor said, "Enough. I can help you and we start by getting you off these drugs." ( I usually got my scripts from my oncologist, although I was always honest and upfront with all doctors about my meds). My doctor made a taper plan with me and I was compliant as I had no strength to be aything else. My husband was my total partner with me as well as the doctor.

After a rough start, we tweaked the plan so that I would taper from Oxycodone first and then Xanax after that. My experience leads me to suggest the following to you:

First rule... once you make a cut on the Percocet, make it permanent. No going backwards at all.

Keep the doses spread out for now across the day. Larger cuts can be successful in the beginning until you get down to smaller and smaller amounts. Let's just start at the beginning for now, okay?

Break one of your doses only into a 1/2 tab. Let that be your first cut. There may be some anxiety and jitteriness... learn to keep busy and practice breathing techniques as needed. Work your way through any withdrawal you may experience. Stay at this new dosage for a week to ten days, giving your brain and bosy time to adjust Time is needed for the brain to start producing the needed feel good things like serotonin again.

Not all cuts produce the same intensity... I have no idea why or why not, just experienced it. When you feel ready, cut another dose by 1/2 tab.

Try to start stretching the time between doses little by little until four to five times a day becomes three times a day.

Tapering should not be a race , but rather a measure of slow and steady progress. A couple of times I was not ready for a cut for almost three weeks, a couple of other times I was ready after only five days. Learn to listen to your body.

Physical activity will speed the adjustments each time a great deal. Be as active as you are able.

Also, the very first thread on this addiction board is called "Sample Home Detox." Read it for some very helpful things. It is helpful whether going cold turkey or tapering.

I think that is enough for now! As you make progress, I can share what worked for me as the doses became smaller. I am so glad you are here. Stay in touch and know with certainty that you can and will have your life back.

WIth all hope

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