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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Jul 4, 2011
I was 25 when i first started taking Ultram. My doctor prescribed it for my back.. He started me out like 6 per day, then upped my dose to 8 per day.... I had NO idea it was addictive, or i never would have taken it. Sadly i found out on my own.
I had ran out on a Thursday, I had only taken it a few weeks.. That night i felt like i was simply dying. I had restless leg, I had hot/cold flashes, my body ached, i felt like i could not move, it felt like i was being stung by bees all over my body.. I had NO idea what was going on!.. I couldn't take care of myself, let alone my 2 kids.. My mom came over the next day, and i still had No idea what was wrong with me.. I ended up calling my doctor, and telling the Nurse what was going on.. She made me an apt. for the following Monday, but also told me she called me more Ultram in and i needed to go pick it up.... As soon as i went to the pharmacy, *which my mom drove me* I took 2 and BAM, I felt NORMAL again.. All these symptoms went away.. Right then and there, i knew what was wrong!!!! I WAS ADDICTED!! How on earth did i let this happen? I was so saddened and upset at myself about this..... Monday came around and i went to my doctors apt.. When he asked what was wrong, i was Truthful and i told him exactly what was wrong.. I told him i was addicted and i didn't know what to do?!?!? With that being said, he just wrote me a script for 8 a day and see ya in 4 months!!!!!!! WTHECK?!?! I was like wow!! Okay! I noticed the Ultram made me get up and do things. I had tons of energy and honestly i did like having all the energy that came with Ultram. BUT what i HATED, was being addicted. :'( I was never dependant on anything in my life, and now all of a sudden my life was upside down!.... Years passed, and i was on edge the whole time, wondering if i would run out, etc. etc.... Sometimes running out and being sick as a dog.. After 3 years of Ultram, CONTROLLING ME.. I told my doctor I wanted off. I was scared to death.. I didn't know what would happen. Or even if i could do it. He wrote me something for the W/D's... I took it that night and it seemed to help somewhat.. It was a drug that is used for people who are addicted to Cocaine.. I can't remember the name of the drug.. Anyways, The W/D's kicked in late that night.. I felt like i was dying.. Honestly a part of me did want to die.. Somehow i made it through 5 days, but i was STILL having W/D's and just felt like hell.. Eventually they went away, but the DEPRESSION set in.. I was known to have anxiety, panic attacks, sleep problems, and Depression BEFORE ultram. I couldn't imagine then how awful it would be.. I felt like my life was just over. I cried for days.. I didn't want to move from the couch.. This person who used to keep a perfect house was now not even able to do a load of laundry. It was Terrible. I think I could take the W/D's over the Depression afterwards.. Wow.... I ended up going back to my doctor and he put me on a few different drugs that did not help me.. He prescribed me Valium and that did help with the sleep, but i was still a mess.. After 3 months of living HELL, i went back to my doctor again to see how the Valium was doing.. I told him what i was going through and how i couldn't take anymore pain emotionally and physically too.. My doctor ended up putting me back on them, but this time 2-4 a day.... After a few weeks of taking them, i was back to my old self.. I had energy again, and full of life. However here i am now 6 and a half years later STILL struggling.... This drug has ruined my life!! Not only am i now addicted to Ultram, but now Valium. So, i just feel like i am existing.. Thats it. I HATE being addicted to something i have NO control of!.. I don't abuse the drugs, but i still feel like i just want to cry. I hate having something control me.. I DO NOT want to go through all that again. When i got off the Ultram before, my mom had found suicide notes i had wrote to loved ones.. I wasn't thinking about killing myself.. I just honestly thought, i was going to die.. :( My mom was worried and called me crying, when she found them.... Anyways, to anyone out there with the same problem. You are NOT alone!! Right now i am tapering. It's been a slow taper, but i hope and pray i can eventually have the Willpower to conquer this addiction.. I know i have a problem, i admit to it and i tell people that i am close with. They say as long as its not hurting me, then just keep taking them at a low dose.. BUT i am tired of it. I WANT OUT.. This is killing me inside. I seriously know i can do it, *again* BUT I also know the Depression will take over like it once did before.. If anyone needs to talk, i am here for you.. I know all too well about this Evil drug that has controlled me for way too long now.. :( Good luck to anyone getting off of it, and i pray you can do it.. and i know if i once did, you can for sure!! Godbless you all!!:angel:

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