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Jul 7, 2011
Hi all,
I am new to this board, just signed up today. I want feedback for a few things. First off, when I was younger I wanted adderall to be able to function and achieve more when I went to college. I believed I had ADD (which I think is a fancy term for chronic laziness) So I went to a psych and he proscribed me what I wanted of course. At that time in my life I wasn't mature enough to handle the adderall (or maybe it was just the addict personality). I went from taking my prescribed dose at the time (2 5mg a day) to eventually taking multiple 30 mg pills a day by 3 years later. I was super skinny and the pills ran my life. I smoked marijuana because I liked it at the time and I needed it to even sleep. Eventually my breaking point for adderall at that time came when my neighbor wanted me to buy him 24 hour sudafed in the yellow box at the store. I had a feeling he was into real deal speed because he would always be up late working in the yard and stuff. He made speed with the sudafed I bought him and gave me some and I tried it. I liked it, it was like amped up adderall. I ended up taking it on Christmas and hung with my family. I felt so guilty and I flushed everything I had and stopped taking all amphetamines. I just smoked weed. I then stopped smoking weed (I still dont) I was clean for a year. Then I helped somebody house sit. At the house I found vicodin and took some for whatever reason, it was so impulsive. I then got addicted to vicodin-getting it however I could, from whoever. I felt guilty for taking it from people. I still do. My mom had hip replacement surgery and had oxys I started taking those as well. Got addicted for those. Then when all my avenues for opiates were at a dead end. I found myself with no option but to be sober and drink on the weekends. I am now in my mid 20's. I started finding it harder and harder to stay at work and achieve what I needed to in the work place as well. I just would be led astray by whatever on the internet. So I decided I did need to treat my add. I went back to the psych and was proscribed adderall again. I don't abuse it like I used to and when I do use it correctly it does help me achieve and I am able to sleep without downers or anything. Sometimes adderall makes me feel zombieish and weird though too. I lose part of my personality on it. I just don't understand why I am so addicted and impulsive. I have good intentions in life and I love helping people. If I saw an oxycontin and I had taken an adderall I would probably take it (I never would combine drugs anymore). Why am I like this? Why cant I achieve, function, or be the best I can be (or at least feel like it) without drugs?

I know I am not always living like it with my decisions. I wan't to be better. Is it wrong I am taking adderall again if it helps and I am not abusing it? I wan't to hear peoples thoughts on my situation. Thank you so much

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