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I hope and pray 2012 brings us all the peace and joy we deserve.

For all of you who have read my struggles on my other post I wanted to update. I was blessed, yet again, to check into my local hospital's detox to get away from my enviroment and switch back over to the subutex/suboxone.
I spent 6 days there and got home today. I am so very lucky because this is my 4th time there in 3 years and my inusrance picked up the tab again. My insurance will not pay for opiate withdrawal, but they pay for benzo withdrawal. So I was treated for my ahem... "addiiction" to ativan..

I am so fortunate because the doctor there, who I know. knows that my main issue is severe anxiety and depression. So he admits me to get me out of my environment and benefit from the other patients and the group therapy. He obviously treats me also for my mild habit of oxycodone and I usually only ended up needing only 4 mgs of subutex all day to keep me stable. I have no withdrawal issues at all and no need to take more than that amount.

This time it was quite evident since I had spent over 80 days in massive nightly anxiety EVERY night that I needed something to calm me and really knock it down. So i had Librium for the first time ( Yes I know its a benzo but remember that isn't my issue) I can not tell you the relief I had. No more nighttime anxiety curled up thinking I was having a stroke. And absolutely no waking up at 3 4 or 5 with utter terror of deprersonalization, confusion and sheer panic. He lowered the dose each day I was there and I would only take it at night because the effects lasted all day long. I will admit it was VERY sedatiing. I think the most sedating drug I have ever taken, but it was needed. I could no long deal with the brutal anxiety. He gave me one small dose for tonight now that I am home and then I have no more. Which is fine.

So right now I feel so relieved to not be in briutal anxiwty mode. I go to a psychiatrist tommorow and I will do what I need to do as I reuse to ever go through what I did for 80 days ever again.

So I am also taking 3mgs of sub a day and I will slowly taper from that.

I just wanted to say I feel SOOO much better and I hope I utilize the right tools and rescources so I can maintain a life that was finally enjoyable the last few days.

I hope you are all well

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