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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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Hi all,

I've come here a lot to read and get support while trying to detox from opiates. They were great help to let me know I'm not alone in the hellish withdrawal stage. I recently decided to seek professional help for my addiction.

I've been using for about a year ( vicodin, oxycodone, oxycontin, morphine). I started off low, a Vicodin or two every friday at work made my day great! I was introduced to them about 3 weeks prior for my Wisdom tooth sugery. Had vic 5's 2-3 daily for a week was no problem to get off.

At some point during the mid year I was introduced to percocet and immediately saw how muh stronger they were and they brought me to a new level of high. I had graduated to a daily user and near the last few months my best guess is I was doing 80 mg give or take of Oxycodone a day.

I tried numerous times to quit I just realize now I was never truly serious about it.

4 days ago I contacted my parents, confessed my problem and asked for help. I was able to secure 2 weeks off of work.
We tried to get into a rehab clinic but my insurance denied that ( go figure I finally want help but can't get it). They would only cover outpatient and the nearest place is over an hour away, i simply can't afford that
I tried toughing the withdrawals out, the depression was by far the worst part, but the sleepless nights were a close 2nd. I was randomly crying the 2nd and beginnining of the 3rd day. Realizing the depression could go on for month I think is too much for me to bare.

We ended up going to our Doctor and telling him my situation on the 3rd morning about 64 hours in my detox. He informed me Methadone or Suboxone is normally recommended but he however could not give suboxone as he didn't have a license to do so. I told him I didn't want to get addicted to one of these as I've read so many others are. He assured me if we went about it the right way that wouldn't happen. I asked about going through withdrawals with Methadone he toldmwe that shouldn't be a problem.... *really?! Not a problem?! Everything I've ever read is contradictory to that statement! I was thinking that was totallt wrong, but i'm no expert just an addict so i go along*

His plan is to do 10mg of methadone twice a day for a week then go down to 10mg a day for 2weeks. By the end of the 3rd week i'm scheduled back in his office to go from there. I was also perscribed 50mg of Zoloft for my depression. (i'm choosing not to take this a mistake?)

I was so torn between continuing without taking anything or trusting the professional. I'm just too scared of being depressed for so long I think. I felt like a complete failure.. I make it to the 3rd day and I basically quit. I've taken methadone once or twice during my drug experiences so knew the feeling. "Normal" is the bet way to describe it. ( but do I really know what normal is anymore? So scary..)

I took the 10mg around noon and after an hour began to feel "normal" no depression, not many sore muscles, i was content, bordering on happy... I began to think about this stuff being my artificial happy for the rest of my life a panicked. From my understanding 20mg is a little below normal, but I believe 10mg is fine as the base for me then to drop down to 5mg then 2.5mg in the 3 week period. If I can do this will this be the best solution? Quick detox from this?

I guess I just don't understand why I was given an opiate ( a different kind) when i'm an opiate addict. Peoplebmentioning excersising, vitamins, etc to start rebuilding my natural opiate receptors but isn't that completely useless now that I'm on methadone?

My brain won't be rebuildng a thing yes or no? If no then I must ask.. Why am I delaying the inevitable? Whats the difference fom now and 3 weeks from now? Will this stop my depression?

I feel great to finally have it out in the open. I have no urge to use, none. Im sick of the stuff. Even rotting in my bed for the few days i didn't think of contacting my dealers.

I thank you all if you read any of this and aporeciate any support and answers, thank you

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