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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

You're not a failure thinking that is just ridiculous. That's like seeing a bed ridden sick person as a failure because they cannot walk you have an illness and that does not make you a failure. You need to continiue getting help and it takes time. I have been depressed most of my life and I started using opiates 7 years ago to self medicate through my depression. I was on 120mg of methadone for 4 years and tapered off and went right back to using again because I did nothing to treat my depression. Methadone at best works as a crutch and you can use it as means to help keep you going for now but in order to ever really feel better you need to realize that will take time and work. Take your anti depressant even if it's not working right now because I'm sure you know unlike opiates it won't give you that instant gratification you crave but over time it can help to put you somewhere more neutral. Zoloft may or may not be the right med for you that takes trial and error but remember while anti depressants can work while on methadone any time you are lowering your dose or on a taper you are more inclined to go through Post accute withdrawl symptoms and that will cause dysphoria(depression) so if you ever decide to quit the methadone take it very slowly when tapering so your brain has time to readjust. I think you are smart getting on methadone after quitting oxy's because you can correct your chemical imbalances gradually this way. Going cold turkey is just awful emotionally and physically. Some people can do it but if you are really depressed don't try to be a hero just do what you can handle. I am going through this too and it just plain sucks but if you address it instead of pretending its not there you will do much better. Remember you don't have to be perfect, you don't have to be anything but the best version of you and I'm sure that would be a happy one so just aim for whatever makes you feel good and doesn't harm you.

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