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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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..... trying to quit beer. Quit 24 years ago, relapsed 1 time, got sick as crap for 2 days, then not a drop for 20 years. This is different. There's another booger in the mix. I take vicodin for my feet, hip and back pain during the day so I can work. By afternoon, late, I get "the shakes" from the vics wearing off. This is where the beer helped, it quelled the fast WD symptoms that come after just hours after the last pill wears off. I failed this time. I did not want to get where I was taking 15 or more pills a day, so I let beer "help". They helped me dig a hole for myself that I can't get out of alone. I guess I talk to the doc next week about the next step, the hospital. She said she'd let me try on my own first. Failed the test. It was such a moral letdown. I appreciate you guys, just can't handle the stopping of both these life-takers. JB
Hey JB, I wanted to add something. I need a total knee replacement which I plan to get this winter, Hit by car when early teens. Talked to 3 dif. surgeons and they said about the same thing, its probably time. You know, quality of life, that sort of thing. I started taking tabs for pain and eventually they didn,t work, went to the roxys, more and more, they didn,t work. When I did get on the subs after about a week, the pain was gone. I moved down to Tenn. around 25 yrs ago from New England to work. With these relativly mild winters I work 12 months per yr. Build and renovate athletic flds. I noticed when I,d start to go into even slight wds pain would intensfy. I read somewhere that people who have legitamate pain issues and are abusing the pills that it can increase the pain in wds. This was true for me. Even thruout tapering on subs down to 1mg the pain wasn,t nearly as intense. Ya end of day I hurt but not as bad as when I was taking 12-15 roxy30 a day. I couldn,t walk length of football fld. Now I can. Who knows? Just a thought.
JB, I know first hand how awful you feel. About everything. It's a tough life when our days are centered around drinking, using, and lying about it. And honest to god, I think the hardest part for me, was the lying. Any time that I lied, it was to protect my drug use. That's it. If I felt that something or someone was coming between me and my drug, I either cut it/them out of my life, or I lied to them about my habits. It's normal addictive behavior. Textbook even. I want you to know that I understand what it's like to be scared out of your wits to get help. Not only is the whole hospital/rehab/doctors/addicts scenario scary, but the thought of me not EVER being able to take another narcotic pain killer for the rest of my life scared the crap out of me. I was terrified. After spending so much time with it, it just about became my only friend. I am so grateful that I no longer have any cravings to get high. I still think about using. For someone to tell me to not think about using, is like telling me not to think about breathing when your suffocating me. It was a "necessity" for me for so long that it's only natural for me to think about it. What I am getting out of recovery is this: When I think about using now, It almost makes me sick, physically sick. I get nauseous and almost feel like I am going to vomit. When I used to think about it, I romanticized it. After all, it was practically an affair, the relationship I had with painkillers. This is the point that I relapsed everytime. But in AA, they teach you about "playing the tape all the way through." I now remember the consequences, and the fact that I have two precious daughters that I gave away to addiction. Not intentionally, but I did it nonetheless. Now I have a chance to be the mother that I was to them. Only this time to my son. He is my whole world, as were my girls. 5years ago I didn't know what I had to lose. Now I do. And I know better. So, I"m going to do whatever it takes to beat this demon everyday, for the rest of my life. I don't know what my future will bring me, but I'm gonna be there to greet it.....clean.

I promise you that when you are ready to be 100% honest, you'll be suprised at the number of people that are willing to help you. The only person that you are hurting by lying is yourself. At the end of the day, your doctor goes home and cariies on with her life. Unfortunately so do you. I hope that one day, your life will be carried out clean and sober. I truly do! God will help you do it JB, but you've got to help yourself...

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