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..... trying to quit beer. Quit 24 years ago, relapsed 1 time, got sick as crap for 2 days, then not a drop for 20 years. This is different. There's another booger in the mix. I take vicodin for my feet, hip and back pain during the day so I can work. By afternoon, late, I get "the shakes" from the vics wearing off. This is where the beer helped, it quelled the fast WD symptoms that come after just hours after the last pill wears off. I failed this time. I did not want to get where I was taking 15 or more pills a day, so I let beer "help". They helped me dig a hole for myself that I can't get out of alone. I guess I talk to the doc next week about the next step, the hospital. She said she'd let me try on my own first. Failed the test. It was such a moral letdown. I appreciate you guys, just can't handle the stopping of both these life-takers. JB
Are you planning on quitting just the beer? If you go to detox for the alcohol, will you be allowed to continue the vicodin there? I think it's great you plan to keep trying to get off the alcohol no matter what it takes. I know how difficult that is!
JB,

Your physical issues may have gotten to the point where Pain Management is warranted and what you need. We've talked about that, and there is nothing wrong with that option if that is where you are. There is a big difference between abusing narcotic meds and alcohol addiction than Pain Management. Your Dr.'s can help you kick the alcohol abuse and get on the proper medications that will control your pain with the proper dosing schedule so that you're not having to eat 15 vicodin a day. There are long acting pain medications out there that work on twice a day dosing schedules....there is a solution, a viable solution to your problem and whether society says it's the right solution, who cares??? Is society living with the pain you're in each day? No. You have to live your life, whatever the best, safest way is for you to do that.

I promise you, there is a safe solution to your problem. If you're willing to work toward that goal with your Dr.'s, you can get there.....and I truly believe that you are.

I live in severe, life altering pain every hour of every day of my life. My pain is never lower than a 4, usually a 5 by choice. That is what I've decided I can live with. I work, as an Accountant, I live alone and take care of myself, I can drive, cook, clean, work in the yard, all the things "normies" do with certain limitations. Yes, I do have to take Pain Meds, if I want to be alive, that's a given...I don't spend my days stoned or sleepy or whacked out on narcotics. I've not gotten a buzz or a euphoric feeling from a narcotic in 10 years at least. The pain meds are a part of my daily life, there is no option for them not to be, if I want to live my life. I've had 30 surgeries in the last 22 years and am slated to have many more, if I so choose....I don't really care what people say about my "drug" use. I don't abuse the drugs, I keep my use to a bare minimum, I get no more of a kick from taking the meds I do than you get from taking advil, and I refuse to feel bad because society says I'm supposed to. Society can kiss my lily white butt!

You have to do what you have to do JB, this isn't the life we choose, and we do everything in our power to avoid getting to this point....but you can live a life with Pain Management and not be a drug addict abusing pills at the same time.

Take care,

Kat
Thanks to all. Bolter, you said 20-some Roxi's a day? I bet that was awful, coming off that much oxy. I fell into a self-medication trap that seems happen when a person is low on income and insurance. You can't get decent help with out decent money around here. I fear the low-cost rehab places. They're like jails and I've heard they act like them, too. The "patients" are treated like in-mates because they're a "bunch of sorry, no-count addicts", as is the popular concensus view. I see the doc again, tomorrow, got to get ready to tell here it didn't work, me trying to kick the beer. I think I could do it if it wasn't for the WD's from the vicodin......I'm going to give it over to the doc, I'm sick of whining about failure, I want my life back, I've realized that if folks like ya'll have done what you've done, I must be a mighty weak person not to even be able to stop drinking beer. Thanks for listening, JB
Hi JB, I have read a re read this particular thread a few times over, because for some reason, I felt like you really wanted this whole sobriety and recovery thing. I've foud myself praying for you at night and I will continue to do so. However, I feel like I need to be completely honest with you.

I'm getting the feeling that you are just making excuses for your behavior. The excuses are varying between the financial/insurance situation you are in, the conditions of rehabs for "poor folk", and in your most recent post you said that you have too many upcoming stressors to do it now. I too, had many excuses for not getting clean. Truth be told, I could come up with three off of the top of my head that I could use right now if I didn't want my recovery.

JB, I know this is just a "forum", but I get a lot more out of this than people might think. I'm here for support, and to give my support in any way that I can. I can't enable people though. I want to help you as best I can by sharing what I know (however little that is), and what worked for me. When I used excuses for "now not being the best time", my family and friends jumped all over me. My doctor would have NEVER went along with it if I told her I had too much stress. WE ALL have stress. And one thing I can promise you, is that you will continue to have different stressors for the rest of your life. It's how you handle it that determines your quality of life. If your doctor thinks that drinking and taking more vicodin than prescribed is the best and most healthy solution for you, than I urge you to get a second opinion. I just don't agree with her. I think it makes it easier for you. Because now you have a professional saying it's ok to drink and use. (not in those words i'm sure)

Anyway, I just want to see you get better. I really have spent a lot of time thinking about you and praying for your recovery...but the more time goes by, I'm not sure that I'm convinced that you are ready to do it at all costs. I hope that one day you are committed to your health and recovery, until then please continue to be careful, and come let us know how you are doing.

Best wishes
[QUOTE=Jackbeanstalk;5003951]Hi Guys, Thank ya'll for caring about me. Saw her, we talked, decided to keep "chipping away" at the intake of vic's and alcohol, but due to the over-whelming load of tasks facing us for the next several weeks (Fiance's daughter's marraige, my divorce, my daughter's marraige, her son's benefit auction we are putting together to help raise money so he can get treated for the mold exposure that's killing him, and Fiance's graduation from on-line college) that we will continue 2-week visits till it's over, gave me Campral and another med for continuation of alcohol lowering, exercise and diet stuff, then after mid-August, re-evaluate the status quo and do what ever else needs to be done. I am content with our plan. JB[/QUOTE]

JB,

Well, I guess my first question would have to be have you really been as truthful with your Dr. about your Vicodin use and the amount your using and your alcohol use and the amount your drinking? Because for a Dr. to agree to just keep "chipping drug abuse and alcoholism" because your under too much stress and you've got a lot on your plate...and to check back in a couple weeks, is borderline mal-practice.

The other problem I have with what you've told us is that your Dr. has given you Campral....Campral is a funny lil drug and it has a very specific use, one that I don't think your Dr. would have prescribed it to you for, if she knew the truth about your drinking.

[I]Campral affects chemicals in the brain that may become unbalanced in a person who is addicted to alcohol. Campral works by restoring this chemical balance in the brain in an alcohol-dependent person who has recently quit drinking.

Campral is used to help a person who has recently quit drinking alcohol continue to choose not to drink (remain abstinent from alcohol). Campral is used together with behavior modification and counseling support to help you stop drinking.

Campral is not helpful to a person who has not already quit drinking or undergone detoxification. It will not be helpful to a person who is also addicted to other substances besides alcohol[/I]

So, see something here just isn't adding up. You've told us you want to quit the booze and the drugs, and you've told us you've been straight up honest with you Dr......but your Dr. would not have given you Campral unless she thought you were not drinking any more, and unless she didn't know about your Vicodin habit.

I don't mind supporting people, I think it's a very important part of detox and rehab, but I think that those people being honest is also just as important a part. Honestly right now it sounds more like your looking for excuses not to quit than reasons to quit, and I sincerely hope for your sake and your health/life that's not the case.

Kat
The part of the addiction process that bothers me the most is the good intent and "gung-ho" feeling one has about what they plan on doing or saying when they get to the doc's office, then it dwindles into a ball of fear inside. My intentions are good, part of my head said, "NO! Don't mention the vicodin". For some reason when I walked in yesterday, I got sick and dizzy, went into the can and started shaking and using the toilet, I felt like I was on "the Green Mile' headed for Ol' Sparkie. I could not bring myself to say anything about the vicodin. The doc did not know Campral was not to be taken while one still drinks. She saw me the first time in 2006, right after I got out the hospital from being very sick and they thought I was trying to commit suicide. I wasn't trying to, I was so sick (and I had no phone or way of contacting anyone) that I layed there and wrote out a "will". My son found me and the ambulance came. They still think I'm a possible suicide, but I'm not. I'm just scared out of my wits about dying trying to stop both at once. I'm so sorry for making ya'll feel I'm just full of it. I really intended to spill all the beans, but I left the vicodin bean out. I feel sickly ashamed and apologetic to you wonderful folks. I don't want to waste any of ya'lls time and I hope I can muster up the strength I need to go into the hospital after the next few weeks are up. I know we all have things and stressors and stuff, but the amount of major events going on for the next month are about all I can handle. I must finish this fund raiser for the boy, this may be his only chance to get in to see the Dr. that can treat him, save his life, and get the last shred of evidence the attorney needs to get this man who nearly killed us all. The Statute of Limitations is near the end. Call this an excuse, if that's how it is, I must call it fighting for a kid's life. Truth is, I care more about his life than my own, I reckon. I ain't trying to justify nothing, I simply, for some reason, reverted into a scared little kid when I went in there yesterday. I had planned on getting through this next several weeks before it's really too late to get anything back from the man that took nearly all from us, including our lives. I had hoped to get James seen and treated, and get the guy to compensate us for our losses, using some of it to go into a better detox/rehab facility. I don't know if I'm crazy or what, but I know this is our only chance to get all of our lives back on track. I am trembling as I write all this, I won't complain or make excuses anymore, I am sorry if you feel I've wasted your time or am just full of it, I never been in this kind of mess before, it's very tough to make it all work out for everyone that's concerned or a part of all this. I will say Thank You for all the kindness and help ya'll bring to so many others. God will bless ya'll. JB





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