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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Addiction & Recovery Board Index


sorry Scott
You do seem to have something against 12-steppers. that's okay, I am not offended. Maybe my posts don't seem supportive because I DO NOT support that fact that people want to start taking other drugs to get over their symptom of their disease of addiction if they are in fact admitting that they are addicts. This board is for posts on addiction and recovery. I am in recovery and I have gone 3 years without substituting one for another. My story is, I came in here beat down after 27 years of active addiction. I started with anything and everything in the early 70's and ended up strung out on benzodiazipines(sp.) and alcohol. I used to tell myself (justify) that since my pills were prescription and the doc said I needed them for my "anxiety" then it was okay. I soon talked myself into taking them for any little problem or to "deal" with things going on in my life. Pretty soon I "needed" handfuls to just wake up and "feel" normal. So see, for me I can't even start with just one pill to get over my anxiety. The anxiety was from wanting to get high and to get to that place of euphoria that the first pill or the first drink got me. I also was strung out on pain meds. (Vicodin). That blows. I would talk myself into thinking that I was really in pain and I wasn't. I would sit and obsess and finally tell myself "yes, you are in excruciating pain"
So see for me, when I hear people saying that they just need this or that because they have anxiety, it reminds me of when I was using and the things I used to tell myself. When I was completely ready to stop using, I did. With the help of a detox center(10 days to get off the damn s*** with meds controlled by the doctors there) and then a 28 day program following. I was told that I needed to stay completely abstinant from ALL drugs. Not be a martyr by any means, just ask myself why I want to take a Benadryl or whatever other stuff people take to "help" them sleep. I have a terrible time sleeping myself I take NOTHING for it, and NO, my life is not great. Where did you read that my life was so great. Life still goes on whether I am using or not. It is how I handle and deal with the feelings that come with life's problems that matters to me today. I used to DENY that I was an addict and I hated everytime someone told me I had a problem.
You see I never said that YOU were in denial or that YOU justify. I just threw those words out there and I think you have a choice on whether to take them or leave them or maybe they were not even directed at you or judging you. They were merely for anyone who thinks they have a problem to look at. I guess they bothered you enough and if they did,... maybe you need to take a look at that.
You do not owe me or anyone else an explanation on what you are going through, You owe it to yourself to be truthful. I was always the first person that I manipulated into believing that I "needed" whatever. I also get upset that people "glorify" methadone. I hear people talk about how great it is and then a moment later, how it sucks that they can't go far because they will need to go get their next dose and can't miss it cause you will have to use to get over the withdrawals and... there are withdrawals. It also costs and so on and so forth. You yourself kept posting on how great it was and now you post how you are soooo sick of picking it up, and how you feel isolated. I didn't say you had to work on all your problems at one time. It does take time, but the first thing is to get off ALL the s*** and then a person can start working on getting their lives back together where it doesn't center around drugs and using. You will never have to feel like this again. That I can promise, but you have to not put the s*** in your body long enough to get your head together.
I also used to say that my problem was anxiety, when in reality my problem was addiction and all that goes with it.
No, I do not know your predicament. The only thing I know is that you posted for some advice and instead it sounds like what you wanted was sympathy acoording to the last post there where you also ended with a stab to my choice of programs. Works for me and today I don't have to stand in line for meth, I can go away to the beach for a four day weekend, I don't ever have to go through withdrawals again, etc., etc.
thanks





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