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Thank-You Peech, for responding to my post. It really helps knowing their are others out there who have had the same experience in what I am going thru.
I am curious as to whether or not it was just you with the "problem" or did your husband have this addiction too? How did it start for you?
Some might think that because it's my husband and I both who are addicted that it would make it easier for us to stop since we would have the support of each other to get us through. This is not so. If anything, it seems to make things worse. During the periods when we "weren't going to do it anymore and this is it and we're sick of it", one of us would always bring the other down. Not intentionally. It just depended on who having the worse day I guess. All it would take was for one of us to say "just one more time?"....and that was the beginning again. Another reason is, when your going thru the withdrawls together your irritable, upset, hurt, depressed, miserable, yet someone has to take care of the kids. Someone has to keep things going and still go to work. That person is usually always me. No, it IS ALWAYS me. I have noticed that though our symptoms are similar, one thing differs. He sleeps constantly and I can't sleep at all. I feel like crap, look like crap, have no energy, but because I am the "stronger" one, still have to function for my kids. I FORCE myself to do it with a smile so as to not take it out on them or lead them to believe anything is wrong with their mother. What I end up doing is getting mad at my husband (who really is a wonderful person) who's body just basically shuts down for the first 3 days, something he can't deal with very well. I don't want to sound selfish. But when going thru this, I can't help but get upset because I end up going thru it alone. We have tried to stop countless times. We always go back. One reason for that is we are surrounded by it. My sister, my mom, friends of my husbands. And whenever anyone has "anything", they call us first to see if we are in need. When trying to stop before we have told all of them to not call PERIOD for any reason as to alleviate the temptation of asking for "something". Most have listened, with the exception of my mother, but in the back of our minds the whole time we are trying to "do the right thing" we know all it will take is one phone call. Just one last time. Thats it. Then we won't do it anymore. I remember one paticular time we were doing so good. It had been a week....a whole week!! The phone rang....someone we forgot to warn about us trying to stop....someone asking if we wanted 10 percocet.....our faces lit up with a smile that we couldn't seem to get rid of....and within minutes everything we had done in that last week was gone. All the effort GONE. All the motivation GONE. Once again, we had given in to temptation. That was 3 months ago.
I found out the other day that one of my friends who has been a "goody goody" her whole life, is in rehab for addiction to tylox (oxycodone). She lost her house, her car, her daughter, her husband, her life. I had no idea...she hid it very well from everyone. This is so scary. You never think it can happen to you. You never think you will become an addict. Even when you think it's under control, it isn't. I remember the days where I didn't need it. I just took it because it made me feel good and it put me in a good mood. I was happy, or so I thought. Little did I know or think I would become dependent on it. I try to think back on when it was I actually started "needing" it and I can't remember. It seems to have just happened. The worst memories right now are the ones I have before I started taking them. The memories I have of how happy I was without these dark evil controlling pills. They are the worst because I am so afraid I will not feel that way again. I am so scared I will not be happy again without these pills. It seems like so long ago and I have forgotten what it feels like to be happy because of your surroundings and the people in your life and the things you have accomplished so far. That has all been taken over by pills. Now it's gotten to the point where they don't even do what their "suppose too" because I am so ashamed even when I take them. But it still doesn't stop me. Every night I go to bed thinking to myself, "this is the last day I will do this....I can wake up tomorrow and not do anymore" What happens in the 6 hours I am sleeping to change my mind I don't know. I wake up and start all over again.

What was your turning point? What was your motivation? How were you finally able to stop and stay "clean"? I am very interested in hearing your story and how you did it. Thanks again for responding. Hope to hear from you soon.






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