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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


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[FONT="Courier New"] PITY...party of one, that's me! I had the worst night last night!! I was feeling okay all day and it was day 2-of 2.5-pills. Well after I ate dinner, I got so sick!! I was throwing up all night. I took 1-pill in the morning and 1/2-about 5 PM. When I got sick at about 7-PM, I almost went to the hospital, because it was so bad. I think I finally fell asleep...I don't know when, but woke up at 3-am feeling like I was abducted by aliens, probed, drained of blood and left to die. My poor boyfriend got me a 7-UP and I my pill...but I could never go back to sleep. Today, I have been okay, but I'm afraid to eat anything. I feel hungry, but I don't think I can handle another night like that. So it's my instant karma that I claimed victory yesterday...

And... I have a friend that takes the same medication I take and in the past, we have shared when the other ran out. This morning she came over and gave me back the 2-pills I loaned her until she could get some. It took everything I had to not take them...but I told her that I was trying to taper and that I had to give them to my bf, because he was holding my meds. I probably should have just told her to keep them... But I only have 19-pills left (i still make my BF count them every day) and I only have enough to taper 1/2-pill down every three days. So...I'll call my decision to keep the pills but give them to my BF a time.

So I normally would have been done with this bottle last Monday! I'm proud of my resolve, but the voices in my head keep telling me that I should be able to relieve my pain...if god wanted me to be in pain, why would he give us such easy access to pills. I do know the logic is faulty, but its been a crappy day and now that I'm not medicated (except the taper pills which I used to take as one dose), I actually have to feel the physical and mental pain. I can't wait until I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The day I have 24-hours with no pills...that's what keeps me going right now. [/FONT]





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