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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Hello everyone. I've been sitting here reading all of your posts and replies and I am curious about myself.

I was in a head on collision 2 years ago and suffered from severe whiplash. My doctor prescribed Lortab 7.5 for the pain.

About one month after the accident (wasn't on Lortab anymore) my neck started aching again. I dealt with the small amount of pain for a few days until the pain reached a level that I could not stand. I woke up one morning and could barely turn my head. I went to my doctor in tears and they again prescribed Lortab 7.5. When that prescription ran out I had them call me in a refill.

I'm sure you all know where this story is going. Before long I discovered that I didn't have to go to the hassle of going to the doctor for Lortab. I discovered friends who knew how to purchase them off the street. At first it was because of the pain, which became chronic. But, then I realized one day that I was taking them when I wasn't in pain. I was taking them for the energy and the "feeling" they gave me.

I have been justifying taking Lortabs to my husband, whenever he would confront me saying "your addicted", by telling him that it's just a buzz I like. Like he likes to drink beer, or other people smoke pot, I just like the buzz from Lortabs. Recently, when my husband and I almost divorced I had to come to terms with the fact that I "may have a problem". I haven't had any Lortabs in 2 weeks. I wasn't sure if what I went thru was Lortab withdrawel symptoms or Nicotine withdrawel symptoms (quit smoking 3 weeks ago). I had this weird feeling in my body. The best I can describe it is it felt like a million ants (or little bugs) crawling under my skin. I would only feel it at night when I went to bed. It was the WORST feeling I've ever had. Does anyone know.....does that sound like Lortab withdrawel?

Anyway, after reading all of your posts, I have the strongest feeling that I just got thru the worst part of my withdrawel (physical addiction). But, I didn't take that much Lortab. Most of the posts I have read are about people who took 15 to 30 pills per day. I only took 5 at the most. Usually I took around 3 or 4 a day. **Sigh**

It seems that I may have an addictive personality. I tend to DIVE IN to new things full force. For example: I was introduced to Bingo a few years ago. I won a game and then another and then another. Before I knew it, I was playing Bingo every day and/or night. It got so bad that I used to use our grocery money to play. My husband confronted me about being addicted to gambling. I denied and denied and denied...until finally I saw it for myself and stopped. Before that it was alcohol. I would party all the time and if I had one drink, I had to continue drinking until I passed out. Again, my husband confronted me after watching this behavior for some months, and said I needed help. I was addicted.

So I stopped.

Now, I find myself somewhat resentful of my husband, who seems to think I am addicted to everything. I told him he'd say I was addicted to sewing if I started that. We have had many honest discussions about this and he has stated that I have an addictive personality and that I need professional help.

Although, I see his point of view and I can even agree with him to a point, I tend to think and say this: "Does that mean I should never be able to catch a buzz?!!!!!"

I want to be honest with myself. I do not want to live in denial. I want to be healthy and high on life, but it seems that when I am not on pain medicine I am irritable and no fun to be around at all. I hate it. I feel like I'm always in pain and that is the reason for my agitation. It seems that anything I "dive" into I become "addicted to". Guess I just need to hear some of you veterans and "experienced" recoverers (if thats a word, lol) respond to this by letting me know the signs of addiction and if it sounds like I am. Also, what do I do about an addictive personality????

Frustrated and confused,

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