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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

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Hi, I am brand new to this board. I'm 43 and 4 months ago, I relapsed on heroin. I plan to go cold turkey right after I pay rent the first of next month (that way I can take a week off of work and can be broke for a bit without worrying bout rent/bills). I have a couple questions. I am completely terrified of the wd's but have read many posts on several boards about CT and read some good advice on OTC stuff to help and that have given me some courage. I was up to doing about half a gram a day (which, I think, isn't too bad... If I could afford it I know i would've done more) and have cut myself down to half that, mostly due to completely running out of money. But it's not just the financial issue that's causing me to quit. I'm to that point where I'm just tired of it. Plus, absolutely no one but my connection knows. I've managed to keep it from my boyfriend and the guilt is killing me. Ok, onto my questions: first, I can get a refill on a script for 90 pills of oxycodone 10mg (I've been suffering from chronic neck/shoulder and hip pain and my dr has been prescribing me this, of which, since being on heroin, I only use in emergencies when I can't get dope). I'm wondering if I should spend the next 2 weeks (before my CT plan) switching to the oxy. I'm pretty sure it would take between 80-100 mg of the oxy to get straight. I could try to taper down from that (it would be way easier to taper the oxy than the heroin). Does anyone think that that would make it a little easier when I finally go CT? I guess I'm worried about having wd's while I'm working the next couple weeks. I certainly dont have enough pills to maintain the whole time. I've also considered using the oxys to ease wd during that week but figure that will just prolong the length of time it takes to completely detox.
My other question is about my boyfriend. There is no way I can avoid seeing him during that week. Things have already been strained in our relationship due to my depression from my addiction. I've thought I can fake having the flu during that week but worry the wd symptoms will be too obvious. He does know about my pain issues and knows I'm prescribed some heavy duty pain meds so I also considered telling him I accidentally got addicted to the pills and need to take a week off to detox myself... I'm just so ashamed and worried about his reaction. But I think he'd be more understanding bout the pills than if I told him it was heroin. I know there will be people who say I should tell him the truth. I'm hoping there are those of you out there who understand and have gone through the same issue where you simply cannot be honest about this due to the consequences. I'm well aware that AA/NA would not approve... that they would encourage addicts to be honest to their partners/families, etc. I simply cannot do this.
I apologize for the extremely long post and want to thank in advance those of you who bother to read it and, especially, to those who may respond.
I'm very scared and my brain is feeling scattered so I apologize if this post is scattered and rambling.

The following is just a little of my history if anyone is interested:

I was addicted to heroin (IV'ing) in my 20's and spent 8 yrs on methadone. It took me many, many years to taper myself down to 0. I did really well for several years. I started having chronic pain issues around 7 yrs ago and I relapsed 2 times and both times used either methadone or suboxone to detox. My pain got so severe around a year ago and my dr started prescribing the oxycodone (and, no, I never revealed to her my past issues). I really thought I could handle the pills and was actually not physically dependent on them when it just so happened that I met a guy who I learned was doing heroin. It wasn't long before I started doing a little but here and there. Didn't take long and I became addicted. This time I'm only snorting but still know that the wd is going to be very difficult. I've looked into getting on suboxone but its proving to not be a viable option for several reasons. I refuse to get on methadone again. I think i have no choice but to go cold turkey. I realize I need to seek out some help thru either NA or other recovery help. Thanks for reading.

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