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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


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I have been wondering if there is a difference between compulsion and addiction. Give my mother a bottle of pills (ambien, Percocet, tramafol, flexiril) and she would compulsively take them until they were gone. 60 pills 2 or 3 days. It eventually killed her. Four years later, I am having problems. My behavior is compulsive whether its drugs or alcohol. I can barely stop taking it until its gone even if it means staying home from work. I can take 40 mg of Viicodin and 30 minutes later take 20 mg more. I can be nodding off 300 mg of codeine and less than 30 minutes later, pop two more. Fall asleep, wake up, take a few more. I get to the point that I fear I've taken too much Tylenol for my liver with just about every script I go through. I can go through 90 pills in 3 days. I'm the same with alcohol. I drink it fast. I can down two bottles in an hour, if I didn't pass out first. Before my alcohol and drug problems, I was a compulsive overeater. Two foot long subs, fries, soda or say at Burger King, double whopper, deluxe chicken sandwhich, fries and coke. If I got to go at a restaurant, I'd order two or three different dinners. I'd eat until I was in pain. I'm really trying to get to the root of my problem. I know my self esteem has always been low. Sometimes I marvel that people feel I am worthy to conversate with. Perhaps, I'm trying to fill some missing void. I grew up fat and ridiculed, made the butt of jokes and as I just remembered even spat on. I try to block out my childhood. It's embarrassing. I never had a boyfriend until I was 29 and had lost weight after surgery. I keep that hidden and feel shame. I also must admit, I am a liar. I'm not sure if its psychological or not. I don't know if its compulsive lying. Basically, its lies I tell to make myself seem more interesting. I am trying so much to be honest with myself. I'm going to post here as I struggle to end my addictions and ask for any and all input that I can get. I also hope that something said here by me and others will help someone else.
I would say they are very similar and with both you cant control it. You are taking the first step by knowing you have a problem and wanting to fix it. People try to use different things to fill voids (drugs, alcohol, food,..) and nothing is going to work. Have you tried going to talk to someone, like a psychologist, who is trained to help you figure out what your void is and can also help you find a more productive way to fill it? You are being so honest on here and doing that with a professional, you can get the help you need.
I do hope you are proud of yourself for coming to this point, of asking for help and opinions. You realize you need help and some people never do or its too late when they do. I wish you lots of luck!


[QUOTE=WhyIsThisMyLife;5159816]I have been wondering if there is a difference between compulsion and addiction. Give my mother a bottle of pills (ambien, Percocet, tramafol, flexiril) and she would compulsively take them until they were gone. 60 pills 2 or 3 days. It eventually killed her. Four years later, I am having problems. My behavior is compulsive whether its drugs or alcohol. I can barely stop taking it until its gone even if it means staying home from work. I can take 40 mg of Viicodin and 30 minutes later take 20 mg more. I can be nodding off 300 mg of codeine and less than 30 minutes later, pop two more. Fall asleep, wake up, take a few more. I get to the point that I fear I've taken too much Tylenol for my liver with just about every script I go through. I can go through 90 pills in 3 days. I'm the same with alcohol. I drink it fast. I can down two bottles in an hour, if I didn't pass out first. Before my alcohol and drug problems, I was a compulsive overeater. Two foot long subs, fries, soda or say at Burger King, double whopper, deluxe chicken sandwhich, fries and coke. If I got to go at a restaurant, I'd order two or three different dinners. I'd eat until I was in pain. I'm really trying to get to the root of my problem. I know my self esteem has always been low. Sometimes I marvel that people feel I am worthy to conversate with. Perhaps, I'm trying to fill some missing void. I grew up fat and ridiculed, made the butt of jokes and as I just remembered even spat on. I try to block out my childhood. It's embarrassing. I never had a boyfriend until I was 29 and had lost weight after surgery. I keep that hidden and feel shame. I also must admit, I am a liar. I'm not sure if its psychological or not. I don't know if its compulsive lying. Basically, its lies I tell to make myself seem more interesting. I am trying so much to be honest with myself. I'm going to post here as I struggle to end my addictions and ask for any and all input that I can get. I also hope that something said here by me and others will help someone else.[/QUOTE]





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