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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Hello bobbysmom

Welcome to the board. :-) While we initially meet here under adverse conditions, it is a wonderful place to find support and help.

I think ladybud has given some great advice here. Good idea to heed it.

Inside every addict of every kind is some grief, loss, heartache or issue that just seems too hard to face. We try and hide it by zoning out on a drug or alcohol. However, eventually it will fail us and we spiral down into total addiction and depression. Until we face the hurt head on and learn to deal with it with better coping mechanisms, we stay stuck in an unhappy and unproductive place in our lives.

Can we get out of the cycle. We sure can! There is every reason for you to know you can feel joy and happiness in your life again. I also suffered through major losses. I began to abuse my pain meds, using them for emotional pain as well as physical. I spiraled down so low into clinical depression that I didn't think I would ever know what is was like again to smile, to laugh, to participate in life again. However, I do and a restored life is waiting for you also.

In working with a clinical social worker, I came to understand my grief. Biggest problem was that I had never truly grieved... and just didn't know how to do it. With her help, I learned. It was hard, it was painful. I cried, I wailed, I was angry and hurt. When I finally allowed myself to FEEL all those feelings, my road to recovery truly began. I learned that I must accept Life on Life's terms. I may not like some things, but I have better skills now to handle those things.

To lose your baby, to be thrown out... I am so sorry you are suffering from the pain of these things. They are terrible things to have happen. They will always be a part of who we are. However, your life is going to go on because we have no choice in that. What we do have choice in is how we handle these griefs and hurts. For most of us, we need professional help to learn the needed skills.

It is great step that you are seeing a therapist. As ladybud suggested, a psychiatrist's job is to provide the medical support you might very well need in the form of an anti-depressant. I also suggest very gently that you get up front and honest with your therapist about the Norco. Using it to self-medicate for anguish is not what its intended purpose is. You are a brave and smart young woman to see yourself in a perilous position right now and reaching out for help.

Stick around with us and let us know how things are going.
With gentle hugs

PS... and I do not think you are a bad person in the least. I think you are a woman in grief about her baby and her relationship and struggling to learn how to live with it.

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