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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

Hi again Joelee
How are you getting on with your husband? My boyfriend rang me after 3 weeks and we now see each other again. He still drinks but I have changed that I don't let it hurt me as I used to.
I think, it is perfectly understandable that you would want to leave your husband, if he continues with his addictions. If I felt that my boyfriend really doesn't want to stop drinking then I too would give up. What point is there then to being together, if you're not gaining anything from the relationship.
Though he drinks still regularly, we still do have "quality time" together when we spend time together with him being sober. Recently that has changed that he has wanted to drink with me again but this weekend, I have decided, I don't want to be with him when he drinks.
It's like, he is only half there. His priority then is his relationship with the bottle and the satisfaction it gives him, not me. He wants both at once.
Today, he asked me for a loan of money to buy drink and it is the first time that I said firmly "no". I offered to bring him home but he choose to stay and was forced to work through his craving. He understands that I don't want to fund his drinking and so we still had a very relaxing day together.
It is very confusing dealing with an addict and I think, only you yourself can decide what is best for you. If you feel, you must leave your husband to be happy then you owe yourself that to do it.
I hope things are going better for you now since you posted (sorry, it took me sooo long to post again! - I passed the exams by the way!).
Hi J
Just to let you know, there is hope even while the alcoholic still drinks! My boyfriend is getting so fed-up with his lifestyle (without me nagging or making him feel bad) that he wants to change it for himself. He told me yesterday that he went drinking during the week and ended up in an AA meeting (only problem was, the meeting wasn't on and there was a church meeting on instead!). I asked him what he did there and he said that he chatted to whoever was there but soon chased them off!!!! He didn't go and drink further.
He is on the road to recovery - I firmly believe that. It is a very gradual process to get there and I think, you need to allow the alcoholic and their partner time to learn this new life behaviour. If he doesn't want to there is nothing you can do but you can make your own life comfier.
If you find yourself waiting for him then you are doing yourself no favours. It is very hard not to but it is worth learning how to "detach"(and I do think, it is different if you live with someone - I don't live with my boyfriend so we still have a lot of physical separateness).
I hope, you have some support (from family and friends) as you always need to be able to talk to someone when you haven't got your partner there.

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