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Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Addiction & Recovery Board Index

I am a 36 year old mother of 2 and a legal secretary. I started taking vicoden 5 years ago when I was detoxing off of methadone. I had just had my 5 year old little girl, I was a single mother with no place to live and I couldn't afford the methadone anymore so the hospital where I had my daughter at helped me try to get off the meth. Well, after 4 weeks of withdrawal I just couldn't take it anymore. I met this girl that sold me vicoden and I realized that they made me feel a lot better. Well it has been 5 years and I haven't gone one day in 5 years without these pills. I can't stand it. I make good money, but since I have to buy the pills on the street I pay $3.00 a pill and take between 10 and 15 a day!!!! I have horrible moodswings to where sometimes I hate everybody and alls I do is yell and scream all day. I have no money to buy christmas for my kids and I am a month behind on my mortgage. Nobody, I mean nobody knows I am addicted to these pills, but my husband. I am so addicted that I wake up at like 5:00 in the morning because I am going through withdrawal so bad that the sickness wakes me up. AT this point, I take the pills so I don't get sick. I have read everything I can on the internet about withdrawal and I have tried to find anything that will help with the symptoms, but there is nothing. I have taken the week of christmas off of work to try and kick these pills but I am not fooling myself I know it will be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I now that all I have to do is pick up the phone and I will feel better. I don't know what is worse the withdrawal or the craving. I lost custody of my first daughter because of heroin, so I went on methadone, I quite methadone and got on these pain pills. I think they are messing my body up physically too! I know there is nobody out there that can give me the magic words but some support would be great! I have no health insurance for rehab, besides I have tried that before. I am so frustrated about this whole thing sometimes I wish I would just die. I am not suicidal just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I wish there was something I could do to make the withdrawal symptoms easier. It is really tough for me. Please, if anybody out there has any advise, I would really, really appreciate it.

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