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Addiction & Recovery Message Board


Addiction & Recovery Board Index


I swear!
What the hell are we doing? Is THIS the life we planned for ourselves…ultimately turning to “self-help” boards as if it were our last attempt at life?

Is this all that life has to offer any of us?
Did we grow up PLANNING to hide ourselves away in a sea of sand hoping the world would just go away?

Didn’t we have dreams… aspirations… ambitions… what happened to them? Where did they go?

Did you forget to make a right turn instead of a left turn?

Do you have children? Do you have parents? How is our behaviour affecting them? Do you care? Does it even matter?

Do you hope to live long enough to see your children grow up to be just like you?

Did your parent's pray night after night that you would become the best alcoholic...drug/sex addict... compulsive liar... coward... that you could be?

Do you enjoy killing off brain cell after brain cell one by one???

Is dying before your time REALLY all that appealing to you?

Are you looking for real love in your life? Are you afraid you might ACTUALLY find it?

Will you do all you can to destroy it? Certainly you can't be worthy of it!

Are you angry? At who? Could it be YOU?

Have you been dealt a bad hand? Are you willing to accept that it’s all genetic so…what the hell; I’m doomed!!! Let the party begin! ...no where to go anyway. :(

Did someone hurt you? Are they feeling your pain? Are you teaching them a lesson they'll never forget? Do you even remember who it was now? Do you think they care if you do?

Do you really think that these addictions... these compulsions... these self-effacing behaviours; are what you deserve?

WHY??

I’ve had a bad life; who hasn’t? Should I just continue drinking 3-4 cases of beer every week? Is this the way everybody chooses to deal with their problems? Am I just doing what is expected of me? What happened to what I expected of myself?
Was I born to be a drunk? Was I born to be miserable?

You know, so many things happened to me that WEREN’T my fault! God knows...they really weren’t! So why did I choose to punish myself for the things I couldn’t control?

OH Wait!! What about the things that ARE my fault? How much of that am I really willing to take responsibility for?

How much will YOU take responsibility for?

Why is it taking me nearly 30 years to save myself?

How long will it take you?

Instead of just reading this post and moving on... do you dare to commit yourself to a life free of the chains that bind you?

Would you rather just dismiss me as some kind of nut?

Do what you have to do; I certainly plan to!!

NO!

I WILL do what I HAVE to do! I'm better than this! Damn it! I know I am!

Aren't you?

------------------
Gina





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