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Am i going mad
Aug 24, 2017
Hi everyone. I will do my best here to explain this. As even writing this is pretty exhausting. To say I don't feel well physically is an understatement. But how to describe the actual symptoms without sounding like a hyperchondriac isn't easy either.
I not just tired, I am completely and utterly worn out. My brain feels foggy and I feel like I have no clarity most days. For the most part life just seems a little surreal. I spend most days trying to get myself together, I struggle around tea time up until about 7pm with not just sleeping wherever I'm stood or am. At night I'm ready for bed and then bang, I wake up, physically still worn out but my brain is ready to go. I do suffer with anxiety and panic attacks, however I can be fine when suddenly from nowhere I feel terrible. There is no warning. It's as much as I can do to put one foot in front of the other. My whole body, and I mean whole body feels like it's collapsing. Usually I'm so frightened it leads to anxiety so it doesn't help. Then I have to convince myself I'm not going mad. It takes me a few days to get on my feet again, but it's never fully goes away. I'm left with nausea, headache, stiff neck and sheer lethargy. These episodes have only happened three times, the first time I got blue lighted into hospital. They had no idea what was wrong, only that I wasn't responding and they gave me bed rest until I was able to function. I wasn't responsive to anyone for hours and my pupils were fixed and bigger....sorry don't know the correct term for it. They did routine bloods and it all came back normal. The second time I was on a train with my daughter, again, I had this profuse sweating and felt on the point of collapse. Again in the midst of this I'm panicking, so I'm told it's just a panic attack and nothing to worry bout.
I am trying to do stuff around the house and I feel so weak I'm taking to many breaks in between, I never actually seem to get any job finished. I haven't got th enthusiasm either. When I had my last little blip which was last week, I haven't really recovered. However when I was in bed the feeling came over me again, only this time it was a total feeling needing food. And I needed it there and then. I managed to get myself downstairs and fully raided the cupboard of as much food as possible. I ate 7 weetabix (quite ridiculous) a yogurt and a donut. I also gulped down a glass of milk. Once satisfied I wished I hadn't as the nausea kicked in and so did the feeling of sheer exhaustion.
Since then I am eating but my appetite has gone down considerably and I feel deplete of something in my boys but I just don't know what. I feel weak, hollow and just yuk.
On my neck on both sides I have what looks like a blotchy tan a lot of brown marks. It goes from my ears right round my jaw line. It's interspersed with white marks. It looks like a tan but it looks kind of a dirty colour. And it's not like a nice tan, it's like patchy brown marks. I try to cover it up as best I can with make up as it's quite noticeable.
I did visit my dr who said take anti depressants. Somehow I just don't think this is the answer. Th night sweats are getting me down and if that isn't enough it take me to do very little in the day to be sweating profusely to.
Can't get rid of the constant headache and I would give anything to feel a bit more energised. Yes I do suffer from anxiety but it's normally secondary to whatever the primary symptom is and I feel like I'm drowning here. My memory is awful and the slightest amount of stress just seems to add to my symptoms. Any thoughts? Thank you all for reading.

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