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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Board Index

I thank you for your understanding. My sister is the rare jewel, she is the one who stepped in and took on all this when she has her own emotional roller coaster to deal with. He husband is the best as being so supportive of her and wanting to help the in-laws, financially. If it hadn't been for them our parents would most likely be in the worst deliemna possible. I am very thankful for all the advise she has gotten from this bulletin board, it has given us answers and put us on the right track to find the right people, places and help to stop the financial disaster. My husband has been supportive also with making the trips up there to do what we can. We lost his mother almost 2 years ago, I thought I would have many years to enjoy my parents, but life has a way of turning on us. We had to put my husband's mother in the nursing home with a good mind, it was the hardest thing to do...the worst thing I have gone through until now. My in-laws and I are very close with our family, we are the ones my father-in-law depends on now. I feel guilty having to leave him to tend to my parents as it's so far away, but he understands. My husband's family is like most too busy for their father. My daughters take care of him when we are out of pocket, so he makes it very well. My father-in-law to this day blames the decision to put her in the nursing home was what killed her, she only lived 5 months, and as I say she was fully aware of life and her surroundings, she hated every minute of it. It was the doctors decision, and the family wasn't willing to give up the time for 24 hour care - which was left up to our father-in-law and like you said it was killing him. That's the reason we consented to nursing home facilities, so you see I have been down this road. It will be a hard decision, and one that I don't know if I can make again, as the in-law even though I was the one depended on, I had no say in what happened with my mother-in-law. I trust the doctor, but I want my dad to be unaware and not blame us for doing such a thing. My mother-in-law had a massive stroke she was so scared at night, her roommate had been taken to the hospital...we weren't there... But miracles happen and when all the children came to the ICU to say our last goodbyes and wait for the inevitable, she went against all odds and woke up - I still think it was because we had gotten all the family together (that was so important to her and one son had been gone with no word for over a year.) We were sent home (an hour away) and she was alone again. Before I could get my father-in-law back she passed. It still haunts me she was alone. I don't want to place a death sentence on my father. You have to understand why I feel that way now.
If I can help my sister in anyway, I will do whatever I am physically, emotionally, and financially able to do. God works in mysterious ways, and I think this is what he is using to bring the family back together. We have to pull together and work this out.
I myself am very scared of getting AD with the history of my dad's family. I have discussed this with my husband, and I don't want him to have to make decisions, so I tell him what my wishes are and he like wise after seeing his mother. Life isn't a bowl of cherries. But God gives us a way out if we just trust him. I believe in that. :-)

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