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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Board Index

Dear Briesmom,

You are a wonderful daughter to care so much for yur father.

But now it isn't enough.

You have a couple of options, and in my opinion (caregiver for 96 yr old Mom with Dementia) you really ought to choose assited living. If you can afford it, this is a good option. These are no longer the 'nursing homes' of old. There are wonderful caring paces out there where your Dad wlil be helped.

The night fears, forgetting to eat, waking up in the bathroom etc are all symptoms of greater confusion. I wonder if he ought to give up driving. What if he has an episode of confusion behind the wheel and forgets just what you are supposed to do when the light changes to red?

Or, as so often happens, forgets how to get home?

Even if he is saddened and upset by the decision, you may have to be firm and say "today we are moving to your new apartment". It isn't like a double room in a hosital, it is his own place, and there he will be monitored more closely than you can do from 2 hours away.

The other option - please don't choose it - is to move him in with you. Read the posts of Sally and Barb (Bosmom) and others who struggle with this every day, all day. It damages their marriage, their children and their own health. It is incredibly frustrating, you see only progression towards the inevitable, you don't see any positive results.(and often get flak from outsiders, including family.) Anyone would get sick and disgusted, and it supposedly also shortens your life.

My Mom is 96 and I was spared any of this kind of thing at a young age, as you are now, with small children. Your Dad is 4 years younger than I am. I feel so sorry for both of you and wish you every possible success in your quest. Get help - At LEAST a Home Health Aide for several hours a day .. but in reality, an assisted living faciity is the ultimate choice.

My Mom used to make up stories about eating. You can't believe he really ate. He may THINK he ate and even describe in detail some meal he had last week. Same for meds. Mom used to take them herself and insisted she had 'just taken it' even though the pill was still in the daily compartment.

This is the place to both 'vent' and get advice. Good luck!

Love and prayers


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