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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board


Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Board Index


Re: Dementia?
Dec 24, 2005
Hi Kim ...

first and foremost, you mother MUST be diagnosed. Frontal temporal lobe dementia is, from my research, one of the angry dementia's .. there's so many versions out there, and I don't think most of them can actually be diagnosed without an autopsy ... I know genetic research is finding out more and more, so it's well worth visiting HER doctor WITHOUT her just yet ..

Write a journal.

Write down in the journal Date, weather, moods, events, situations .. hand it to the doctor. I did that and our doctor who had denied the issues finally couldn't keep his blinkers on and admitted ... "yes, she does have dementia" ... if it wasn't for the fact that he had denied it so many times beforehand, I would have kissed him for that simple statement. It wasn't ME causing her problems, it was a DISEASE ...

Of course, it didn't help the situation, but it did help ME a little (only a little) .. I tend to take things to heart too easily and personally, which I think your doing.

Have you read the poem at the beginning of the Dementia board? It talks of the imposter. It's very well worded. Your mother isn't YOUR mother, might look like her, might sound like her, but now it's an imposter in your mothers body. If you can get your mindset to agree with that, then half YOUR battle is over (the battle you have with yourself)

I know too many times I have sat back and been ANGRY with myself for not being able to fix the situation. For not being able to DEAL with the outbursts. I love my MIL, I hate the imposter. Does that make sense? Now my MIL is in a home, the real woman shines through a lot more often (less stress to bring out the imposter), but if you throw her out of her routine, the imposter leaps into effect instantly.

But for Christmas, don't argue. Agree with her. If she says "you don't do anything with me" say "Well, we'll change all that soon ok?" and see what her response is after that. Grit your teeth, make yourself smile ... go to the bathroom and have a good cry. Dementia patients most often mimick the behavours of those around them, so tred carefully.

I hope your day goes better than expected.

Merry Christmas
Sally





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