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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Board Index

Re: Early Onset
Feb 14, 2006
Hey everyone,
Wow, it feels so good to have someone to talk to! I ready everything you all have to say, and it is a relief to hear there are people out there to help me know where to turn, and what to do, but at the same time I feel like closing my eyes and not reading it, cause I don't want to admit this is all really happening!
Well first of all in response to some of your comments, my mom did apply for disability and just got approved last month. Which was good. But doesn't she have to wait till she is 65 to get medicare? It would make it so much easier to get her to go to a Dr if she didn't have to worry about the bill. She is not working right now. Although she sometimes takes care of some kids of a family from our church (they are a little older, like 8, 10, 11 or something).
Someone mentioned about my dad (yes she is divorced from my dad). It would definatley be a VERY bad idea to get him involved in anyway. It has taken me and her over a yr to get him to let her go. He was a VERY mental, verbally controlling and abusing man her whole marrage. It was even getting physical there at the end. He holds me completely to blame for mom leaving because he knew she wouldn't have the strength to do it without me.
About the power of Atterny, it just so happens my husband already has it. We just prited out some papers off the interenet. We had done that so he could help with her bankrrupcy. I have already talked to her about signing over medical power of atterny. Can I just print the papers off the internet again and have us sign and get them noterized, compared to going to a lawyer. My mom is very money tight when it comes to anything besides shopping. She won't do it cause she won't want to spend the money.
I was talking to my husband in bed last night about all this after I got done posting. I kinda wish I hadn't after we got done. Cause he is starting to get very upset with how much stress this is putting on me. He holds my parents and mom completely to blame. I tried to tell him, it is not her fault. He thinks she raised me to be like a mother to her. Which I don't think is true, I think i probably put myself in that role, after my older brother died when I was 8 (and he was 15), ever since then I have felt like I need to look out for my mom. Well anyways, he want's to have a talk with my mom and tell her she needs to start doing for for herself instead of expecting me to do it. I think the main thing that irratates him, and emotionally drains me, is that my mom can't do anything without talking to me or getting my oppinion. I have tried to tell her she needs to make her own decitions on alot of stuff. But I think she is just so use to my dad telling her what she has to do, what she can't do, so on and so on. so anyway's, my husband wants to talk to her about taking care of herself more (not physically, she does everything herself as far as daily needs go, it's just machanics where she gets tripped up). I told him, that is not a good idea. Most of mom's problem is not in her control, she doesn't even see it. I think it will make her feel worse!
Oh, I forgot to tell you all, that my mom's mom had alztimers too. I can't remember how old she was when she was diagnosed. I think her last 60's. I will try to find out.

Cat- I read your post last night, about your story. My heart goes out to you too! I feel that we are in alot of the same situation, although you are further down this horrible road than me.
Like I said above, my mom doesn't work, but she has about a 1,200 income between disability, SSI, alamony (that is only going to last 2 yrs). So she doesn't have much coming in. She does a around $30K from her divorce that she has in investments, but she doesn't want to touch it, cause she thinks she will need it later on. My feelings are she needs some of it right now, so she won't need as much later on.

Sally- thanks for all your advice. my only concern is that I am not quite sure that my mom, or any of her friends/church members, would agree that she is ready for a home yet. I think they would probably laugh, thinking I am crazy and trying to get my mom put away! And that is the farthest from the truth! My question is how do I make these hard decitions for my mom, and making her do them, if it is her money that needs to pay for it. i don't have the extra money to pay for it. How do you force someone to do something, and then say, ok, now you have to pay for it? I think that has been my biggest reason for not pursuing any of these things so far.

Martha, I am sure you are right about her stress making it all worse. We have all been under an extream amount of stress with getting her divorce settled, her bankrupcy going (which actually can't take place till next yr now, since she just got this money from the divorce. so it will be exempt we have to wait a yr. She needs that money, that is all the retirement she has!)
I agree my mom hould not be driving for much longre, if at all, she has a real hard time backing up, takes her forever. And as far as my kids go, I have never let her take him. Cause I am too scared that she might forget to buckle him up, or not know how to buckle it, even if I did show her 10 times! So, ya she always stays here when watching him.
About my brother. he is alot like my dad. So he can be a real pain in the butt to deal with. Plus I am scared that if he got too involved he would want to be poewer of atterny, and try to get his hands on her money. i don't know. I just wish I had more sibbling support. Luckily I have my husband who has been very supportive up until lately. Now he is just tired of me being stressed.

I wanted to mention to you all that just last week. i was in the back yard with my husband building a pato, my mom was holding my son. She was amking her morning cereal. Well he greabbed the handle of the pan and spilled the hot water and oats all ove ris left theigh. I came insid just after it happenend. She was trying to calm him down. I asked what happened, she said he grabbed the pan, but that it only got on his pants, it didn't burn him. Well I grabbed him and took him to the living room, laid him down and took his pants off. He theigh was all red, but it didn't look like it was burned too bad. I was VERY mad, but I didn't want to say much cause I knew she was feeling fragile because just half an hour earlier I had told her it wasn't going to wrok out for her to live her. As it turns out, he actually got 2nd degree burns on he theigh, the red area was the size of a small lemon, but the actual blister area was about the size of a silver quarter. It just makes me mad, cause she down played it, like it wasn't that bad, and it was! And I had distinctly told her, DON"T GO NEAR THE STOVE WITH HIM WHEN YOU ARE COOKING!! when shen first moved in last month. I know she loves him to death, adores him. She loves watching him. And when I finally tell her she can't watch him alone anymore, it will tear her up. We are going out this afternoon and she is going to watch him for a few hours, but I must admit, i will be calling her every hr to make sure everything is ok (that is,if she keeps her cell with her. She is constantly forgetting to keep it with her!!).
Now that that has happened she thinks that is why I am talking to her about having dementia. I try to tell her there is a lot bigger picture here.
Ok, I got carried away again. I plan on hanging out with all you wonderful people for the long haul here, so I wanted you to know as much of the detail as possible.

Thanks again guys for letting me vent to you. You have no idea how much this helps! (well I guess you probably do).
Hope you all have a nice Valentines day!


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