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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board


Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Board Index


You have a sister in denail too? Welcome to the club! My sister still makes excuses for Mom when everyone else knows she is in the final stages of dementia. My sister often says she has had interesting conversations with Mom on the phone, that Mom always remembers her and knows who she is, that Mom does NOT have Alzheimer's Disease, and is perfectly rational - only when she is 'tired' or 'the staff did not take her outdoors' or 'she has no mental stimulation' might she forget a thing or two.

I stuggled massively with this while I was Mom's at home caregiver for 5 years. Frequently my sister blamed me for Mom's 'forgetfulness'. You don't give her enough water. You let her watch too much TV. You don't play classical music which improves the mind. You get mad at her. You don't let her go out alone, she feels like a prisoner.

WE had many harsh words. She didn't want to help pay for 3 extra hours of a HHA so that Mom would not be alone from 6 to 9 AM, when I had left for work but the Aide had not arrived. Those were the hours when Mom burnt pots, threw out food, threw out fresh flowers, lost, hid or relocated money, climbed up on a small chair on top of a big chair to get at her medicines which I had put up there to keep her from overdosing herself, having left all the right meds at her breakfast table.

When she broke a hip and had to be hospitalized and later went to the Nursing Home, my sister kept suggesting over and over again that one of us (me, or our brother) take Mom home. What about you? "OH, I can't! I have osteoporosis, Mom can't lean on me.' Well both my brother and myself have physical problems too - none of us can carry Mom or lift her out of bed. Yet E continually plagued both of us to DO SOMETHING because Mom was SO UNHAPPY at the NH.

In reality Mom was not unhappy there. She made friends, took part in activities, and as soon as they stopped forcing her to do rehab, she enjoyed her life again.

It is sad when sisters disagree on such important matters. I have been here in a neighboring state to E's for over 2 years and she has not visited me in spite of numerous invitations, and has not invited me to come and see her (only 4 hours from here) .. I fear that we are permanently estranged.

This is so hard, on top of the Dementia itself.

I can feel for you.

Love,

Martha





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