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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

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Just an update since I lost my cool.....

Due to the problems I have had with my baby sister I have tried to back up and let her "see" the reality of the situation with Mom and Dad. Mom was "behaving" when my baby sister was there for 36 hour and I was seeing a very different Mom when I was there for days instead of hours. At the same time I made sure my baby sister knew I was not angry with her. I was just exhausted from dealing with her and two parents with dementia. The day sitter ask for a couple of days off and my baby sister ended up with Mom and Dad for five days starting last Friday. Hubby's kidney stones meant I had to stay here and I had turned Mom and Dad over to her after I lost it with Mom on Wednesday. My baby sister arrived at Mom and Dad's Friday only to find Dad outside in 103 F, terribly over heated. Mom had come in earlier because it was hot and never checked on Dad. It scared baby sister. Mom is also in the middle of her major melt down as well. She is antagonizing Dad and is otherwise withdrawn and crying. It has NOT been a good few days.

Last night my baby sister called me. She finally understood. I did talk to Mom who told me that the situation at home was horrible and she could not take it any more. She said she needs socialization and to get out of that house. I ask if she had considered placement in a facility and she said Dad does not want to leave home. Mom knows, though she would love to deny, that she has Alzheimer. After much discussion she finally said..... "I would go if your Dad would agree." My baby sister heard that part of the conversation. That precipitated an honest talk between me and my baby sister. It is time for us to do something different. Mom is miserable. It is not only the socialization that she craves but the relief from the every day dealings with life in a big house with Dad's dementia. If just one parent had this horrible disease it would be manageable. My baby sister also agreed that Mom is not suffering from "normal" depression but depression complicated by Alzheimer. You can't tell her to think positive and make any headway. Her current medication is not working and Mom is annoyed with the side effects that are not going away. My baby sister is going to talk to the people at MARS tomorrow and find the best treatment for Mom's depression in light of her Alzheimer. She is also going to talk to Dad and see what his feelings are on the subject of placement. Dad has a very different dementia from Mom. Even though he cannot remember what day it is or where he is at times.... there are times when his ability to rationalize a problem is much better than Mom's. He has not gone through the personality changes that Mom has either. He is normally very happy and if you explain things to him he can come to a logical conclusion.... though he forgets it quickly. If you are repetitive with him he will eventually file some of it away.

So I now have all three sisters in the same frame of mind. Perhaps for different reasons, one just doesn't want to be bothered and placement would take the need for her to help away, but the bottom line is the same. We will be looking for suitable placement for both of my parents. I will follow through when I pick up the MARS results August 27 and get their input on suitable facilities and ways to make the transition easier. I feel like I can almost breath again

I am so thankful to all of you for you kind words, understand, and help. I was researching Alzheimer when I came across this board and had no idea at the time what a wonderful resource it would be for me. You are all amazing people and I am thankful every day that I found such a kind and caring group of individuals. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Don't worry... this is not the last time you will hear from me but I needed to tell you all how wonderful you are and how important your input has been to my sanity!

Thank you again.....

With love, Deb

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