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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board


Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Board Index


:angel:Thank you all so much for the replies----I know my post was LONG----but I think I actually really gave you the main points of the story.

Martha-----Thanks for everything you said-----I didn't think her going to the graduation was the BEST of ideas----but that was my uncles insisting that she be there----now my Mom did all of the running, and making sure she got Mimi there-----but my Uncle B ( thats what we will call him)---insisted Mimi be there. Thats how he is---insists that this or that be done----but doesn't actually DO it himself. We are trying to tell her that we have to see how her Physical Therapy goes, so we don't know when she can go home----she is of course, not very accepting of that--INSISTS that they are NOT doing P/T (they ARE---we have seen the improvement in her walking and back already--plus we have talked to the nurses and P/T's there)....
The problem is convincing everyone that she doesnt KNOW she is going to these events that they insist on her going to-----She has no idea even WHO was graduating---and we walked out the door of the Civic Center---and she had no idea what we had just spent the past two hours watching.
I know that my Uncle was wanting her there----for the pictures and this and that----but i just dont think it was that realistic of an idea.

My mom does not have a backbone-----I had to coax her to stand up to my uncles and tell them that she could no longer live with Mimi---or she would probably still be doing it. As for meeting with my uncles and aunts-----it never works------She wont say what she needs to say----and she will not stand up for herself-----I would LOVE to go with her=--but i am "just" the granddaughter---and they will not allow me to be included.

As far as the house-----Thats going to be another battle, just getting everyone THERE to clean it out, and all of that necessary work----I know in MY mind what needs to be done---and i could sit here all day and make a "plan of action"---but I know its not my place----and I dont think they would do it anyway------My one allie is my aunt in the other City---she is good at getting that stuff moving along-----but convincing the Uncle and Aunt in town to help, might prove to be a problem.

DGabriel10-----You mom sounds so much like my Mimi is right now---However, i really appreciate your suggestion about checking her meds----and I am going to suggest that they look into that immediately-----Her PCP is the only one in charge of her meds---and she is on a couple of antidepressants--and at least one, if not two of the "alzheimer" meds----Cant remember if she is on the two main ones that are on the market --Aricept i am almost positive she is still on---She also has Sun Downer's pretty bad, which I know most Alzheimer and Dementia patients tend to have-----and they started giving her a nighttime med to "calm" her, but the AL nurses had that med mixed up, and they were giving it to her in the daytime also, with her breakfast----so maybe since they have stopped that, it will help some----but I wonder, would a geriatric doctor e helpful?? or maybe just like you said, a psychiatrist would be a good idea......

I think its so sad that they wish they were dead---and its so hard for me to hear it when she says that-----and i know its the disease talking ------ and of course, my mom has been the one to take her back, on the 3 times she was out ( all of this was in the last 2 weeks, related to the graduation)----and of course, she is ticked at my mom over all of this......

AnnD------thanks for your words-----I know----When I have had a bad day, and I am fussing to my best friend or my B/F----I know I have to focus on him and I----he is very patient and very sweet when it comes to MImi-----but its not our place either to jump at 5:30pm when my Mom calls and insists that I have to have Mimi picked up by 6pm, b/c she has a meeting to be at----I go to work at 7am, and I get off at 3:30-------BUT half the time I work O/T and I am at work for 10.5 hours each day---and have my OWN plans---and have to drop them----I know----that is all part of me ALLOWING her to take advantage of me-------And I know she has done so for many years---but i guess I just feel like i have to-------SHE will lay the guilt trip on ME----I have considered moving away---but my B/F and i both have careers here---and he lost his MOm to cancer several years ago, he doesnt want to move from his dad ( who is VERY self sufficient, but its just the sense of i think being close to his Dad that is important to him)------I do live about 20 minutes across town from my mom---and she does not just drop in---but pick up the phone and insist on my help, yes, she does do that!!!

ibake&pray----I really like your "Come to Jesus" meeting idea------if i could just get mymom on that bandwagon!----my mom does have POA----and I do (believe it or not --with my controlling uncle), I do have dual Medical POA with my mom ( only being that if she is not present, I can assist in medical decisions for Mimi)----mainly b/c I have a medical training background with my profession, and I am better able to make these decisions that my uncles would be.
And yes, my uncle has ALL control of her money-----I used to take care of that when i lived there, but when i moved out, he wanted to take care of it, so he knew what her budget was ( for whatever reason)----plus he liquidated some of her money market funds, and I dont think he wanted anyone else to know what she had ( but that is another story altogether)----I tried and tried and TRIED back in 2000, to get them to get her house out of her name, but they wouldnt listen ( DENIAL DENIAL DENIAL)-----so her house is still sitting here, in her name---needing to be cleaned out and sold.....
no one in this family is in need of money----so there is no hard feelings as far as that goes------he just INSISTS on being in control of that portion of her affairs. And the bank is fine with that---Mom has the POA, but Uncle B is the cosignor on her bank accounts, per Mimi's long ago (when she was still in very early stages) permission.

I keep telling Mom that this AL is the best place for her-----she is in good hands----And I really believe in my heart, that she is not that unhappy during the day----I think its when she see's us, that the crying and things start-----The nurses keep telling us about her participation and such---and I try to keep those kinds of "happy" thoughts in my mind.


Susie---thanks so much-----I am going to try to talk to mom----I called her this afternoon and asked her if she was having a better day-----and she was like "no"-----and when she does stuff like that---i just feel so helpless----I am not like my mom----I am more positive and upbeat-----and I dont carry the weight of the world on my shoulders----I guess its where she has suffered from severe depression in the past, and i have not-----I dont like to feel sad and "blah"---and i know she is worried about MImi---and upset that she cannot "fix" this-----but what else can i possibly do???


I think i am going to tell her I have found an "online support grouP', which is essentially what this is, and try to tell her all of your suggestions----and what she does with it, is her own decision-----BUt I hope she will listen----Please let me know if you have any other ideas....

It really has helped me tremendously just to see, we are not alone. I hate it for everyone who is in this boat, but at least we can lean on each other and get others opinions-----

thank you again for all your ideas and responses--please stay in touch and let me know what other thoughts you may have.

God Bless----and many prayers---:angel:

Tracie





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