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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Board Index

The long goodbye.... !!!Sigh!!! Each little step takes away a part of our loved one that we grieve for. Each time we go through the seven stages of grief.... Shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression and lonliness, the upward turn, reconstruction and working through, and finally acceptance and hope. The problem with this disease is that sometimes we don't get to the final three stages before another one slaps us in the face. We can find ourself stuck.

Martha is right....There is a light at the end of the tunnel. With time the pain will not go away but you will find a way to fit it into your life so that it is not so debilitating. At some point fond memories will overshadow the sadness. You will remember the Mom you had. The disease can't take that away from you. Give yourself time to grieve and be good to yourself. Know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

You do have to remember that your Mom is not angry with "YOU"!!! She loves you. She is scared, frightened, and aggitated because her world is upside down. She is a presssure cooker of emotions that don't have a proper way to escape. It has helped me to realize that it is not my Mom talking to me but the disease lashing out at the world in general and I just happen to be standing there. As you said she doesn't remember the hurtful things she says. You are the one left with her angry words. It is normal for those with dementia to lash out at the one they know loves them and will not go away. The reason you are there is because you love your Mom. Instead of looking at the outburst as against you.... keep in mind that it is her only way to release her angst. That realization has helped me deal with my Mom's persistent outburst.

I will keep you in my throughts and prayers that the days ahead will be better for you. I send you warm hugs and all the rocks, towels, and wine you need. Remember what Martha said..... there is a light at the end of the tunnel.....

Love, deb

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