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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Board Index

I'm glad you came here to express your frustration. This is a terible disease. The denial your aunt is in has no relation to her nursing training or experience. She just can't stand it. My sister was exactly the same. She could not accept the fact that Mom had dementia, so instead she blamed all Mom's symptoms on me, the one who lived with Mom and took care of her for 5 years. My sister lived in a far off state, had only telephone contact with Mom, refused to come and stay with Mom for a week so I could have a break, and was generally more a hindrance than a help.

Even at Mom's funeral, this sister had the nerve to tell people Mom was 'as sharp as a tack to the very end." (or, to be fair, was not able to acknowledge that Mom had had Dementia).

I had the same problems you are now having with your Mom, problems with urination and defecation, losing things, not quite knowing who you are, forgetting everything, making plans and forgetting them. In the earlier stages she still went out alone, and one day she had a dental appointment. She came back to say she had gone inside, waited a long time in the waiting room, no one came, it was dark, and when she tried to leave she was locked in! Finally someone else came in and she 'got out'. Mom came home and described this convoluted tale to me, much of it seemed entirely unbelievable, but apparently she was not at the dentists's. I called them the next day and she had missed her appointment.

After that she needed a home health aide to stay with her when I was at work and walk or take a bus with her wherever she wanted to go. Mom hated being supervised, she thought she was just fine.

My sister thought it was better to let Mom have her freedom than to 'keep her a prisoner.'

Alzheimner's drives a wedge between family members. Instead of sticking together to fight the disease, they fight each other.

I wish you luck as you go down this journey with your Mom. We eventually switched Mom to a good nursing home where she was amazingly happy in spite of all our fears. She decided it was a 'spa' and was always very satsified with the many activities, other patients, and the very loving staff. She died last December aged 99. Mom would have been 100 tomorrow if she had lived a little longer!

Good luck; this is a great place to vent!


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