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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

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How do I go on?
Jan 11, 2009
My father in law lives with us and has for the past 3-4 yrs since his wife passed. He has been diagnosed with frontal lobe dementia. He is very charming when he is out with others. I am really his care giver. Hubby babys him and gives him he night time meals. We both work opposite shifts. I am on afternoons hubby works days. I take him to his dr appointments and such. I see everything basically fil does. I feel like I know him like a book. I got him on schedules of how to do things so he doesnt forget but it doesnt always work. lol FIL acts like a child at times. Hubby sees a bit. I get so frustrated at fil it bothers me. I just want to scream. Fil cannot live by himself but not bad enough to be in a nursing home. My sister in law (have 2 one lives in ariz and one 10 mins away) have taken him for dinner once in awhile. Fil has been very mean to both where they want nothing to do with him. She takes him just so we can have a break. I am so frustrated with him right now I cant even speak to him. Hubby says just ignore him. So hard to do cause I feel that is mean to him but that is the only way I can deal with him at this point. I wish he wasnt here. God that sound so mean. I feel like I am giving up our lives to take care of him so he can have a nicer life instead of a nursing home and here we are spending every moment taking care of him and he acts up. Does that make sense? God that sounds horrile. He wants to be center of attention. I guess Im writing this just to feel better. If I see it on paper or in front of me I will feel better and not take it out on him cause I know truely its not his fault but it is so hard to take. I have him going to a place 2-3 days a week where its like a romper room for adults. They sing and play games and do little exercises. It does him very good cause it keeps him busy. He really needs to go 5 days but only wants to go 3. Happy he does that. Gives me a little break during the day. So I just want to say thank you for having this site. New here. Maybe this will give me a little uplift.

Re: How do I go on?
Jan 11, 2009
[QUOTE=petal*pusher;3845639]Oh Cheryl...just know so many of us know exactly what you're feeling!

First off...I don't know how you're even coping with this to do both caretaking AND working! You'll have others, besides me, suggest permanent placement for your FIL...this disease progresses and it will get more difficult for you. If you had challenges with your MIL at a facility...maybe that's why no decision has been made.......but your life will change even more in the months ahead.

It sounds like he is following the familiar path most stumble down...and I agree it would surely help if you were able to get him to the daycare more...but do realize, there will come a time he will not be able to go there either.

No, my Michigan is NOT you! This horrendous disease takes over our loved ones' lives...and ours as well. Please come back often and share feelings, ask questions, or help others in this same situation.......Pam;)[/QUOTE]

Thank you both for your replies. It has helped alot. I wish we put him in a assist. living right off the bat it would of been alot easier. Now its a bit harder to do cause of our feelings. It will be heartbreaking to do when we do. Im not making the decision. Im going to let my husband do it cause I never want him to say it was me. Now that I have found this wonderful site it will help me. My fil doesnt have alot of money due to him giving it to relatives. So I am going to look into having him go more days. He needs the out. He goes in spurts with his outbreaks. So we will see.

Ok here is a question for you. I was told he has frontal lobe dementia. Will he eventually get full blown alz?

Again thank you so much!
Re: How do I go on?
Jan 11, 2009
Ok here is a question for you. I was told he has frontal lobe dementia. Will he eventually get full blown alz?[/QUOTE]

Yes. Unfortunately, there is no going back if this is truly as diagnosed. It's like some of my kids (students) who think they're "kinda pregnant"...this is a progressive disease that follows specific patterns. Timelines and actions may be very different in the individual, but the outcome is the same.

Sometimes, our loved one will pass away from another challenge...heart disease, etc....but with Alzheimer's, they simply start forgetting every familiar action their body can do, including eating, swallowing, and breathing.

My Mom is in the 10 yr after diagnosis...and that little woman who had taken such good care of her mind and body has delayed "the end" because of good habits! When I visited her this past weekend, she sat almost in the fetal position in a wheelchair. The caretakers used to try to get her to walk 2 steps each day so her mind remembered...but she seems to have forgotten how to stay upright. I know it will not be long now...and honestly welcome the peace that will come to her.........Pam:(

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