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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board


Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Board Index


Knee Operation #2
Sep 20, 2009
Hi Friends,

My daughter's mother in law is having her 2nd knee replacement done tomorrow, prayers appreciated.

But the bigger problem is J's father in law who has Alzheimer's. He plans to drive her to the hospital and wait around until the operation is over, then go home. I just spoke to my daughter. She is off tomorrow and she plans to go to their house before they leave and persuade him to go with her (e.g. J will drive both of them to the hospital) stay there until the op is over, and drive him back home.

I will be at J's house when the grand kids get home from school and stay as long as necessary until everyone is home, at least my daughter OR my son in law (works a 7 to 7 nursing shift at the same hospital where his Mom is having surgery.)

Yes, we are now faced with the "how can we keep him from driving" dilemma. The MIL has had surgeries on her back, hip, foot and one knee so far. HE has always done all the driving, and with her next to him, he manages fine. Bt he also drives out by himself -- and without someone telling him the way, we don't know if he is able to follow all the traffic rules, find his way, etc. His diagnosis was only a year or two ago and he does not show much deterioration. He still knows everyone, and acts normal. Retired, he putters around in the garden and garage.

It may be that he can still drive for a while. Bu we don't want him to be responsible for driving his wife to the hosptial tomorrow (at 10 AM) and getting himself home alone that night; she may not wake up for several hours after the 12 Noon operation ... and she has to stay there for 3 days.

This is now not my Mom's generation but the first one in MY generation showing this disease.

Here we go again!

My daughter says they will move him into their house if he outlives his wife. (I yell No NO don;t do it!) Her inlaws are both 75 now ...

Love,

Martha
Bless you Martha!!! Your daughter is doing the right thing tomorrow and you for helping her be able to do it.

I did notice today that the ABC evening news is going to have a special tomorrow on just how to handle this problem. I will watch it with interest to see what I might have done differently. J's father in law sounds much like my Mom. Dad was diagnosed years before she was. Because he was not supposed to drive then she did most of the driving. When the time came for her to give up driving it was not only the loss of her independence but his as well. To be honest, that is the point that they ended up in AL. As you know she didn't give up willingly or easy. It is just now, 3 years later, that she has stopped the constant morning for her driving. I finally resorted to having the doctor do the dirty work. That is the only way we got Mom to comply at all. Then we took away the temptation by putting them both in AL with the van hours away!

As for J moving the father in law in with them, you can talk to her about your experience, which she is aware of already but the decision is hers. The only thing you can do is to support her..... after you try to talk some sense into her :)

Enjoy your grand kids tomorrow :) I will keep the MIL and J in my prayers tomorrow... and you!

Love, deb





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