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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Board Index

Himmy, your Mom's reaction is not unusual and mirrors what I saw with my mom. First question... Where is she getting the cigarettes? That can be stopped you know. And probably needs to be before she burns something, maybe the house. Dad was a smoker and we made sure they were locked up. He did get one occasionally but only under supervision.

Of course she is upset. Somebody is taking away her freedom and independence. She is losing something very important to her. She is lashing out the best way she knows how. You just have to set your mind on the fact that it is what needs to happen. Of course she railed when you said she needed mental help. In her eyes there is nothing wrong with her. It's you and your brother and the BMV and the doctor all in a huge conspiracy to get her. Uh huh... the paranoia that is present when the frontal lob is damaged by the ALZ.... and that is one of the first to be affected. It is what causes the irrational behavior you are seeing and the validation as to why she can't drive any more. People with Alzheimer's are not being stubborn; their brains just aren't healthy enough to carry out the complex processes that logic demands.

So if there is any way to get her to take medication that might help her anxiety without explaining to her what it is for you might want to try it. Mom swore she was fine, though anybody that saw her behavior knew she was not. Once in AL she was just given the medication she needed and they made sure she took it. It absolutely helped. She still had the same irrational thoughts but was calmer and easier to distract. It was only after a trip to the geriatric behavioral med unit that we hit on just the right combination.... along with the fact that her dementia progressed to the point that she no longer remember all she was angry about.

You are at the point I considered the worst point in the disease. mom has just enough lucidity to know what she is losing but not enough cognition to know how to deal with it and think through it rationally. It will get better.. sadly to say as the disease gets worse and with the help of medication to control the angst. Hang in there. I do know what you are going through because I have been there. Yes it does take an enormous amount of strength and courage to get through this time. It does take determination. Just know that you are on the right road and the behavior you are seeing is validation that you are on the right road. Hang in there. Let the BMV and doctor be the bad guys. If necessary do as Meg said and let this been the spring board for AL or other living arrangements.

As for where to find alternative transportation for her? Call the BMV and see what they suggest. Call your Council on Aging or whatever agency deals with issues of the aging. Or simply call your local Alzheimer's Association. They will give you a list of options. They will also give you support in what you are doing. They can send you printed material and let you talk to one of their counselors. I found them wonderful when I needed that extra little support in the beginning :)

Love, deb

PS... you are not a cry baby :) You are a strong determined lady that is trying to do what is best for your Mom in an almost impossible situation. You are reaching out for advice and support. I don't see a crybaby there !!!

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