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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Board Index

The time has come
Nov 17, 2010
Hello- ;) I wrote on this board some weeks ago re my mother-in-law, & met some very kind people here! She has vascular dementia & my step father-in-law who is now 90 has been looking after her in their home. We live in another state & visit whenever it's possible. Till now my step f. in law has refused to go into care insisting that he could manage but it has become increasingly difficult for him.

He has started to get forgetful himself & we are sure they aren't eating properly- they are both very tottery on their feet & we have become really worried about them- an accident waiting to happen!

Last week when went to visit them for a few days we arranged an assessment & managed to persuade f-in-law that the time had come- the assessment report agreed with us so we are now in the process of finding them a suitable place. My m-in-law requires 'high care' apparently.

We feel quite relieved but it is very upsetting. My f-in-law is very upset- he really doesn't want to leave their home but acknowledges that he now cant cope -even with the help that they have been receiving. He said that he can't live without his wife so has no choice but to go with her. We are worried that they can be placed together- as they are at different levels of dementia.

Do you think he will be able to adapt & spend his remaining days relatively happy? It's a big change for him at this stage of life & he is so very independent! I really wished we could live nearer! My m-in-law will be fine we think- she is very confused but in a happy way at this point. She doesn't always recognize us let alone her surroundings!

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this! :)

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