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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board


Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Board Index


Re: What do i say?
Dec 15, 2010
Carol... they are trained to deal with all kinds of behavior and I guarantee your hubby would not be the first if he did have periods of combativeness. Land knows both my parents did. They still love to tell stories about Mom and Dad tag teaming the staff. One caregiver in particular just chuckles when she talks about it. Dad is the reason there are no golf clubs in the life centers. Mom is the reason they got a new fence last week. She had destroyed the gate in her hay day. And despite it all... they love my parents and I watch those same caregivers cry at his memorial... just before we all sat around and told stories about Dad... including the golf club story and the tag team story.

Beyond that, there are medications that will help without causing them to be "drugged". Mom is on major psychiatric meds and she's up walking and enjoying her world.

As for him forgetting your name... perhaps... but he has not forgotten you. He was just in a place where that lady standing in front of him didn't look like the young bride he married. He did recognize the ring so he remembered you. Recently Mom didn't know who I was standing before her but she took her baby and put Deb in time out. At that point in time I was her baby, not the gray haired lady standing beside her. One afternoon Dad ask me if that lady over there might marry him. I assured him she would. It was Mom... I delighted in knowing he would chose her again :) They may not know the person standing in front of them that looks so different but they do remember those that were important to them and the ones they loved.

I am so very glad you took a day off!!! I do not go see Mom every day. She has no clue if I go every day or never... she loves to see me when I walk in. Or is that the special treat I bring her that she sees? :cool: I actually took 2 weeks off and took a trip about 18 months ago and neither Dad nor Mom realized I was gone for long. Yet I have gone to the bathroom and come back only to be ask why I had not been there in days. It's ok to take days for yourself :)

At least he likes the beans and weinners they give him every day!!! He's probably just letting you know that he likes the food :)

As for worry... I take my lead from Mom. She doesn't have a worry in the world right now. The only thing on her mind is what is in front of her. She has no guilt or regrets about the past and no worries about the future. I truly try to just stay in the moment with her. "Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy" That is by far my favorite also Rose :) Worry just throws cold water on any joy you might find and saps the energy out of today. Then what you worry about doesn't happen... it's something you never ever thought about that comes up next!

Carol... you are doing great :) It's a process to adjust to the new normal but you are getting there. Enjoy him as much as you can with no expectations. Just be in the moment with him while finding the joy in each moment.

Love, deb
Re: What do i say?
Dec 18, 2010
This post helped me soooooooooo much. Thank you.....I put it on my desktop to read anytime. I also printed it out.



[QUOTE=DGabriel10;4642366]Carol... they are trained to deal with all kinds of behavior and I guarantee your hubby would not be the first if he did have periods of combativeness. Land knows both my parents did. They still love to tell stories about Mom and Dad tag teaming the staff. One caregiver in particular just chuckles when she talks about it. Dad is the reason there are no golf clubs in the life centers. Mom is the reason they got a new fence last week. She had destroyed the gate in her hay day. And despite it all... they love my parents and I watch those same caregivers cry at his memorial... just before we all sat around and told stories about Dad... including the golf club story and the tag team story.

Beyond that, there are medications that will help without causing them to be "drugged". Mom is on major psychiatric meds and she's up walking and enjoying her world.

As for him forgetting your name... perhaps... but he has not forgotten you. He was just in a place where that lady standing in front of him didn't look like the young bride he married. He did recognize the ring so he remembered you. Recently Mom didn't know who I was standing before her but she took her baby and put Deb in time out. At that point in time I was her baby, not the gray haired lady standing beside her. One afternoon Dad ask me if that lady over there might marry him. I assured him she would. It was Mom... I delighted in knowing he would chose her again :) They may not know the person standing in front of them that looks so different but they do remember those that were important to them and the ones they loved.

I am so very glad you took a day off!!! I do not go see Mom every day. She has no clue if I go every day or never... she loves to see me when I walk in. Or is that the special treat I bring her that she sees? :cool: I actually took 2 weeks off and took a trip about 18 months ago and neither Dad nor Mom realized I was gone for long. Yet I have gone to the bathroom and come back only to be ask why I had not been there in days. It's ok to take days for yourself :)

At least he likes the beans and weinners they give him every day!!! He's probably just letting you know that he likes the food :)

As for worry... I take my lead from Mom. She doesn't have a worry in the world right now. The only thing on her mind is what is in front of her. She has no guilt or regrets about the past and no worries about the future. I truly try to just stay in the moment with her. "Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy" That is by far my favorite also Rose :) Worry just throws cold water on any joy you might find and saps the energy out of today. Then what you worry about doesn't happen... it's something you never ever thought about that comes up next!

Carol... you are doing great :) It's a process to adjust to the new normal but you are getting there. Enjoy him as much as you can with no expectations. Just be in the moment with him while finding the joy in each moment.

Love, deb[/QUOTE]





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