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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Board Index

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I've been reading through old posts, and they've been a great resource for me.

My mom was diagnosed with dementia, non-specified, Alzheimer's Type back in March 2009. By the time she was diagnosed, she was already Stage 4, maybe Stage 5. My dad was caring for her at home...she was still able to do most of her daily routine. Dad passed in April 2010, and I knew Mom would not be able to live alone, so I moved her to a retirement/assisted living facility in the city where I live, about 50 miles from the small town where my parents raised me and my 4 much older siblings.

Over the 16 months of so that she lived in that facility, she gradually got used to it, but she was lower functioning mentally than the other residents, the vast majority of which did not have dementia. I knew she'd need to move at some point in the near future. She was exhibiting all the signs of Stage 5 by that point and a couple of Stage 6.She rarely uses my name anymore, but she knows I'm her daughter. She seems to remember all her own kids, but she has totally forgotten her grandkids for the most part.

Well, that decision was taken out of my hands when Mom fell and broke her hip by slipping on a puddle of her own urine in her bathroom on December 9. She has done well physically with surgery and rehab. She was pretty confused in the rehab hospital ...thinking she lived there now, forgetting she'd broken her hip at all, never remembering that I'd just visited the day before, thinking her room was "upstairs" (this is a one-floor facility).

It was clear she couldn't go back to the facility where she'd been living because she needed supervision at all times, and they did not offer that. I found a small memory care facility (16 residents max) that's also close to my house and took her there a week ago today.

Well, she's one of the highest functioning residents there. There are Stage 7 people who cry out occasionally or just don't speak at all. There are others who pace, some who carry baby dolls, etc. Mom hates it....asks to go home, says she doesn't know what to do with herself, etc. It's absolutely awful, and it makes me doubt putting her there. There are a few residents at her same level, but of course she hasn't gotten to know them yet. I was just there last night and she cried when I left. She was so confused, thinking it was morning when it was 7:30 at night....

Did I do the right thing? I'm so conflicted...I hate seeing her upset. But I didn't know what else to do. I wanted her to have more one-on-one attention, and to live in a facility where she could stay for the rest of her life. Another important consideration--this facility will accept Medicaid after a year of private pay, and we have just about enough to cover that.

Just looking for some reassurance. Thank you!

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