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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Board Index

Aug 26, 2012
Goodmorning. I haven't posted in a long time, but read daily and truly respect all the experience, guidance and support read and personally received. Thank you to all.

My mom was in a secure assisted retirement living space for 3.5 years. She started to decline in December of 2011 and I had her moved up the priority list for a nursing home. She has frontal dementia and was in the late middle stage at that time and was beginning to fall and was incontinent completely. She had a walker at that time.

In May of this year, mothers day, she had a stroke. She was lethargic, couldn't speak and had a few falls prior to my getting there and having her taken to the hospital. We were in the hospital for a week. What a disaster! In Ontario we work with ccac and due to her stroke and now moving up to late stage of dementia I was able to have her put on the crisis list to move to my choice of nursing home immediately when a bed became available. Until then, the nurses would do what they could on her retirement floor and I got red cross care in the am and late pm daily to help with her care. She was now in a wheelchair and was not speaking, and had to be fed some days or encouraged to pick up utensils and eat. I am greatfull for their care, but knew it wasn't enough, but was waiting.

She is now in a wonderful nursing home! We got the call and I was able to move here August 7th. I know the move could set her back farther and is totally confusing for her, but she needed more care. She is doing well. The nursing and staff love her and she is involved in daily activities to keep her busy and entertained. She is still in a wheelchair but they are working with her to see if walking is possible. They are providing wonderful care.

I am still working full time in a school, and have been off all summer and visiting mom every other day. But once I get back to work in September it will be harder. Boy, that sounds so insensitive! I plan on going over on my way home from school. The evenings aren't great for mom as she is more lethargic and confused, at least that is what I have found, so I like to visit prior to her dinner.
I have two boys still living at home and a husband. I will find it much harder to balance all this when works starts again. Mom is living close, about 20 minutes away.

I know I am doing the best I can, but, boy the guilt is terrible! So, my question is how do you know just how much to visit, feel confident in that, and balance your own family life and your personal health! Tough question for sure, I know. I know I know what the answer is, but damn this disease is exhausting both physically but more importantly and sadly emotionally. Mom is only 81 has struggled with this for years and has declined quickly this year.

What a terrible journey for all involved!!!! My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you who are reading this, as you too have been touched by this terrible disease. Thanks for listening and any replies are welcome and appreciated.


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