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Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Message Board

Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia Board Index

Re: Mom is dying.
Nov 25, 2012
Dorri... as you explained it they can not fix her immediate problem. They can only put a temporary band-aid on the problem and hope for a delay of the inevitable. It might make it a little better in the short term or it might make it worse but what you know is that it is not going to change the outcome. Until she was put on the morphine she was in distress. Hospital stays are traumatic for the dementia patient. It this truly what you want for your Mom? You can say one more time but then what happens in a few days when you have to make the decision again? What quality of life will your Mom have between now and the end? You feel she is suffering. Do you want that extended? We all want to keep our loved ones with us. But at what cost to them?

I have been through this with my Dad. I could have sent him to the hospital and approved aggressive life saving measures that might have extended his life another few days, a week, maybe even a month... but would it have made a difference? Instead I opted for comfort care in the facility. He lasted 5 days. He was with his wife, children, and grandchildren, in a setting he was familiar with, cared for by the care managers that he adored. They pampered him and doted over him because they had come to love him. There were no strangers.

My decision was based in Mom and Dad's request after my grandmother's death after a long battle with Alzheimer's. In the final stages of Alzheimer's she contracted sepsis after a catheter was inserted to obtain a urine sample. She was hospitalized, massive amounts of IV antibiotics and other treatments did "save her". For the months after that when my grandmother lay in a nursing home bed... my Mom questioned for what? She saw the suffering my grandmother endured, the weight she lost, the bed sores, as she wasted away. That questions rings in my ears to this day... saved her for what? For pain and suffering? So she has always told me to "Love me enough to let me go"....

Each has to make their own decision based on their loved one's condition, prognosis, and beliefs. Just be sure that your focus in on Mom and what is best for her. I don't think any of us are every ready to lose a loved one but there comes a time when we have to love them enough to let them go.

As for going or not going... on that you will have to make up your own mind. You have just had a visit with your Mom. That may be enough. If not then you need to go. It is your decision. Just have no regrets whatever decision you make. What you decide is right for you :)

My heart goes out to you along with my prayers for you and your Mom. I pray for her comfort and for you the strength and courage you will need in the coming days.

Love, deb

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